wishes..!!

Happy New Year 2010 guys..!

Happy Belated 7th Monthsary, baby.

aaaaand, thanks to Qirah, Mushi mus and Faiz DORIan for comin chillaxin at my crib last time.

okay okay. this night is um, sooooo dull without my grandpa. listening to those fireworks, tear me apart. uh, im crying again. cant believe that its been two years since i last met grandpa. cant say that i didnt move on with my life. i did. its just that half of my heart still remains on 12th October, 2008. it was an excruciating pain for me to breathe that night. um... grandpa, i love you.. and i always will.

i miss my school days.

i miss the time when we were chillaxing while waiting for our parents to pick us up.
i miss the time when we fell asleep during economic lessons.
i miss the time when we used to tell each others love life.
i miss the time when we joked around like crack heads.
i miss the time when we copied each others homework.
i miss the time when we ate at the canteen together.
i miss the time when we glued our notes together.

i miss you guys, A LOT.

yea~ another LOVE POST.

baby, thanks for coming yesterday. and thank you so much for spending your time with me this week. i had a blast with you.

I Love You, Baby. :)

HELL-OH again.

:)

i am so out of ideas. but but, i would like to thank those who read my posts without niat kan memburuk-burukkan blog ku.

okay okay. i never thought that people still read my blog. thanks guys. you never leave any text, so i never know.. i thought i have no readers until the spamming issue crashed my blog. seriously, i was a bit upset and i dont know. i'm still mad actually.. its just that, they're messing with the wrong girl..

be noted to you-know-who, if kamu inda puas ati with me writing another post about you guys, dont blame me. i wasnt the one yang cari masalah dulu. i cant let this thing go cematu saja. you dont know me YET.

i know some of you are puzzled with the issue. sooo, let me explain.. im proud to say that it's not my fault.. yeah, seriously. she-the spammer, who is someone i know were checkin' out peoples blog with her cousins. and her cousins tanya ia siapa saja kawannya yang ada blog, so she showed mine.. and then, they noticed that my blog is full with um, for me, it's called LOVE POSTS. for them, my posts are all CRAPS. so they felt like saying something and came up with questioning me this stupid question, ' julai: this blog is simply your love lfe. i'm afraid what might happened if only he dumped you??? ' and did i mention that they used one of my friend's name? i bet they were laughing, thinking how i feel after reading their text. i was like, WHAT THE FUCK?! and then, i checked the i.p address. haah! pikir aku inda tau?! aah?! and so, aku bagitau laa yang aku kenal ia. lapastu, she text bagitau yang ia minta maaf and stuff. unfortunately, i dont feel like forgiving people.. full with grudges, yes, totally me..!

frankly speaking, i strongly dislike people like you and your cousins, whoever they are.. :)

you know, i never thought that composing love posts is a crime.

Good-bye WORLD..!

Things weren't going pretty well lately with me and some readers.. Honestly, i dont feel like forgiving people. aaaanyway, i'm deactivating my blog account. i wanna give it a rest. and let people understand me and my love posts before i post another love posts.. and so, BYE..!

the pathetic spammer is someone i know.

you know who you are. dont manipulate things if this topic becomes a big big big issue. even if you used julai's name, i still can tell if you're not him. boo hoo.. now look who's STUPID..

cemani, rasa ku, aku nada pernah cari pasal arah kau. even tah aku annoyed meliat ulahmu di class sama ex mu..! luanluan kau aaa.. FUCK OFF okay. i'm imperfect and so are you, so we're equal. leave me alone, i'll do the same to you. ingat mu, sudah kau broke up sama ex mu, aku inda bulih obsess arah boyfriend ku laa? CEMATU..?! AAAH..?! some said yang kau might be jealous since kau ada teman tapi mesra but NOT A BOYFRIEND. mmbah, mun kan berungkup, maritah. aku melayan. asal kau inda kacau idupku. and inda kacau blog ku.

i really dont know what you're problem is.. i know you're the type of girl yang CELUPAR.. saying what you like without thinking apa orang rasa. mun masa sekulah kami pun kan luan celupar macam kau, inda kali betagur ehh tani seumur idup. i'm not the only one yang rasa cemani. but since kami bukan jenis yang cari pasal, kami biar saja.. pretend like you're a good person. and now, you've crossed the line.. please, stop being so celupar. be nice to people. im not saying yang aku baik or something like that. but at least aku inda CELUPAR WAAA..! uh, DAMN YOU..! why do you have to be like this? i bet kalau aku lelaki jenis durang si faiz, nada kau cakap cematu tu. am i right? CELUPAR MU TAHAP GILA BAIE SAMPAI INDA DAPAT DISELAMATKAN KECUALI MATI..! KAU CAKAP CEMATU ARAH KU ANI PASAL NADA ORANG GUNA KAU KALI PASAL KAU LACAHHH SUDAH..! AND YOU'RE MOLE IS AS BIG AS A WORLD MAP..!

dont act like you're all that coz you're not. dont think people like you just because kau berani kan cakap apa yang kau inda suka. PEOPLE FUCKING HATE YOU..! DONT TRY TO SPEAK TO ME WITH THE FAKE ACCENT, I STILL HAVE MY ENGLISH TOO, BITCHASS..!

hate my blog that much?

I DONT GIVE A DAMN..! just, dont read it if you're annoyed by all my love posts.. my love life, my business, and you, BACK OFF. and what's with you using other people's name? you're a real PUSS..! PATHETIC..!

Happy 5th Month Anniversary.. :)

i waited for four and a half months to actually win his heart. i know that it wasn't a very long time.. but, even one day waiting, killed me inside..! and now, i am truly happy that i was with him yesterday, enjoying every second we had. i'm glad that our relationship is longer than the period of time i waited to get into this relationship. ohh, it was fun. i know that we celebrated our monthsary every month.. but yesterday, it was um, i dont know, different.. more, special.. :) i really wish we could hangout longer yesterday. uh, now, i miss you already, baby. :')

weee~

Baby, I love you.. :)

When I look into your eyes,
the world dissapears.
I forget my worries, problems,
stresses and all my fears.
Your my breath of air,
your my light of day.
When my words cluster up,
you always seem to understand what I say.
You give me reason,
to wake up tommorow and the next.
You so easily make my day,
with so little as a text.
I'm so in love with you.
I will never hurt you.
When I speak to you,
you'll always know it's true.
Well that's if it's a serious subject.
I will never raise a hand to you,
I'll raise a hand to someone else,
for messing with or hurting you.
Your my everything
and in-between.
When I look into your eyes,
it's the greatest sight I have ever seen!

in your eyes

Baby, I LOVE YOU.. :)

In your eyes I see beauty
All that is wonderful in this world
All I ever wanted
And prayed for in a girl

In your eyes I see the ocean
Such peace you bring to the sea
I see warm waters in your heart
You seem to have that effect on me

In your eyes I see the sky
Never will it rain again
I see endless sunshine from your smile
This happiness has no end

Of all the things I see in you
And the many wonders in your eyes I see
I hope to be blessed with you
To look in your eyes and always see me.

By Eddy Quinton Perret, Sr

when i'm with you, baby. :)

BABY, I LOVE YOU..! :)

When i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever you're not around
when i kiss you,
i still get butterflies
years from now
I'll make every second count
when I'm with you

yeah we've had our ups and downs
but we've always worked them out
baby am i ever glad we got this far now
still i'm lying here tonight
wishing i was by your side
cause when i'm not there enough
nothing feels right
so i want to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life

whatever it takes
im not gonna break the promise i made..

i feel so alone tonight

ohh God. i am so so so bored right now. i mean, i don't usually feel this way. lately, i have problems controlling my emotions. like, fuck! and sometimes i'm crying over nothing..! and now, i am doing nothing. i dont even have moods to check my facebook. not even editing photos. uwaaaa~ baybeh, where are youuuuuu...?! :'(

my love for you is real, baybeh.. :)

baybeh, i can't sleep. and so, i googled some love poems and found this..! weee~ this is for you, baybeh.. :) i love you..

Sometimes at night,
When I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you,
And then ask myself "why?"

"Why do I love you?"
I think and smile,
Because I know,
The list could run on for mile.

The whisper of your voice,
The warmth of your touch,
So many little things,
Make me love you so much.

The way you support me,
Even my silly notions,
The way that you care,
And show such devotion.

The way that your kiss,
Fills me with desire,
And how you hold me,
With the warmth of a fire.

The way your eyes shine,
When you look at me,
Lost with you forever,
Is where i want to be.

The way that I feel,
When you are by my side,
A sense of completion,
And overflowing pride.

The dreams that I dream,
That all involve you,
The possibilities that I see,
The things that we can do.

How you finish the puzzle,
That lies inside my heart,
How deep in my soul,
You are a very important part.

I could go on for days,
Telling of what I feel,
But all you really must know is...
My love for you is real.

courtesy of Tiffany Marie

my baybeh and i

baybeh, you're probably sleeping right now. uh, i miss you. baybeh, thanks for coming yesterday. i really had a great time with you. by the way, i'll upload more photos of us next time, okay?

boohoo~

baby..! aaa, i'm bored and i'm missing you. plussss, i can't sleep. uh, when can we meet? i'm longing to see you baby..
um, since i'm kinda blank right now, let's just take this moment for me to err, confess? baby, i'm sorry if i've done anything wrong. sorry if there were some times where i over-reacted over some silly things. i never meant to be that way. well, i have problems controlling my emotion. so, thanks for understanding. thanks for willing to be there when i need you. thanks for being a shoulder for me to cry on. thanks for being such a great boyfriend. thank you for everything, baby.

bakawali

midnight- i got out to take a photo of this flower. uh, it was dark and scary. gila man..! thank goodness mom told me this one story after i finished my job. okay okay. mom told me if i waited for the flower to smell, that 'thing' will appear. like, damn..! ohoho, nasib i didn't.. if i did, i wouldn't be taking photos of the flower. so, either i'm taking photos of that thing. or me, running away! so, the flower looks like this. pretty eh?

weeee~ baybeh..!

THANK YOU for picking me up after training baby.. ohh, i missed you. it was great seeing you eventhough you may be annoyed by me because of me being hyper. but but, i enjoy looking at you laughing. okay okay. i think that's it. and and, thanks for massaging my pain legs baybeh.. weee.. bah, LONG LIVE LIVITA, BAYBEH...!!

the feelings of having you here with me is unbeatable.

THANK YOU so much baby for spending the night with me. yeah, it was great hanging out with you. i wish we can meet everyday. and me, i won't get tired of seeing you.

bud bud buddy.

weeee~ thanks for chillin' at my crib guys. and for the present, too.. :) it meant a lot to me. and and and, for the photos.. thank you, thank you, thank you..!

my wishes

others made their wishes on their birthday.. so i want too.
well, i dont mind if some of my wishes wont come true. but i need at least some people trying to make it come true. feel me?
so, my wishes are....
to be able to meet grandpa even if it's just for a second.
to celebrate my birthday with my family and friends. and ohh ohh, with my baby.
i wish my boyfriend and i will always be this happy.
i wish my pa would remember that today is my birthday.
and i wish that everyday is my birthday so people wouldn't forget me after today becomes yesterday..

they even sang for me.. :')

thank you, thank you, thank you so much..
some wrote poems,
some sang a song,
some pray for me,
how could i ever thank you guys? it means a lot to me. it really does..

hari raya

photos from raya. duhh, sorry. i know that it's already too late to actually still enjoying raya.. but, i totally forgot about posting these photos..


every raya, we take photos of us. we were complete.. now, a piece of us is gone. but still, we kinda had a blast right?

there, uda's family, pawang's family, amit's family, angah's family and my family.

foto foto foto

yeah, when boredom strikes! no no, cancel that out.. i mean, when i feel like SHOWING OFF.. haha. yeah, this is what i've been doing for the past 10 hours.. no, not just three of this.. there's more! more! more! but um, i don't feel like uploading those photos.. so, these are all that i can upload.. :)

happy birthday.

yes, today is the day. my 17th birthday.. thanks to those who greeted me.. and ohh ohh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUS!
baby, thanks..! and i love you. :)

ini foto kita bersama.. :)

i love love love you, baby.. :)

bipolar

how can i be happy while i am sad?
how can i be sad while i am happy?
how can i live my life like this?
this is all been too difficult for me to go through.
my life with its ups and downs.
so am i. up and down...
up and down...
up and down...

everyday is sunday

every morning i wake up, i open my eyes wide.
still lying on my bed.
thinking of what would happen today.
thinking if i made the right decision to wake up this early.
wondering if he misses me, cause' i miss him.
wondering if he will text me, cause' i need him.
i wish today is better than yesterday. and tomorrow will be better than today.
and the next day.. and the next day..
but sometimes, they're just hopes.
my day is always like this. never too happy. never too sad.
and me, just the same.
trying to keep it low when i'm too happy cause' i don't wanna end my day with crying, regretting what i've done.
trying to at least be a little happy when i'm too sad cause' i don't wanna end my day with blaming my life for being too cruel with me.
so i guess this won't change...

this will never be perfect

what i missed the most? there, right in the middle, we're missing one person... GRANDPA. sob sob. we all felt the emptiness.. we couldn't fill it. there is no replacement. uh, i hate this feeling. the feelings of abandonment. so i hate celebrating any function.

every second we spent together.

baby, thanks for spending nearly most of your time with me. it meant a lot to me. holding your hand and stuff, i wish i'd never let you go home. seeing you laugh, ohh it made me more happy. baby, i love you so much. thank you, thank you, thank you so much for everything. :)

he who i love the most.

i wandered around, trying to find out who i really am.
i looked at my reflection, "why am i smiling?"
it's weird, cause' i felt sad.
ohh, this mask i'm wearing.
i wanted to take it off. but why can't i?
i'm crying on the inside but smiling on the outside.
my eyes glanced over a person standing next to me.
he smiled at me, knowing that mine is fake.
he held my hand, thinking that he could fix me.
but he couldn't. i gave up.
i blamed him for giving me false hope.
he left, now, thinking he made everything worst.
but i felt so empty without him trying to cheer me up.
i wanted to laugh. i just can't.
i begged him to come back and i swore to make everything work.
i knew he wouldn't give up on me.
he stays right by my side, cheering me up.
and i realised that i'm falling in love with him.
ohh he fixed me.
he who cheers me.
he who loves me back.
he who i miss the most.
he who promised to stand by my side.
he who is now my soulmate.
he is one in a million.
baby, i'm lucky to have you in my life.

wahai teman teman ku..

ohh, guys... i missed you. and im happy that we met on sunday. everybody have changed huh? qirah, najib, faiz, nana, apis, mus, rusydi, bunny, majidah, wardah, atai and afi... ohmigod.. membesar sudah kamu ehh~ :) i hope we can meet soon.

baby, i love you.

happy belated four months anniversary baby.. and yeah, it was on 27th. but the connection was too slow. ergh, so i couldnt update my blog.

sorry.

sorry guys for the short term disappearance. but, i will post stories that would've been on my blog if it wasn't because of the stupid connection..

do you remember this?

the moment i fell from the chair in front of deputy principle's office. ohh, for some reason, i remember the incident. after all, im sitting on the same chair. not at the same exact spot though. aaah, i laughed so hard that i wanted to cry. you guys did. and everytime we passed through the chair and the office, we giggle. ohh, i miss you guys! :')

i feel so empty

im in an unknown mood. im emotionless. i couldnt think of a thing. i cant sleep and im worrying about nothing. wait, ohh it rhymes! baby, baby, where are you? are you asleep? i feel ignored at times like this. what can make you awake? i need you to not to sleep. be with me, please! be by my side. i need you here with me. you're fading from my sight. why is that? im refreshing my memory so i could see you clearly. but turned out the other way around.. its still early, i might still be able to find you back but this world, its spinning round and round.. i couldnt do it, im giving up. now i need you to find me back.. keep me with you at all times so i know that you have my back. let me hold you tight so i know that you arent trying to escape behind my back. dont make me do silly things. ohh you know i would.. wait, what am i talking about? ohh again, i feel so empty. skip skip skip. i love you, baby!

this heart..

"this heart, it keeps more secret than my mind could ever remember.. you think you know me? no! no one does. im not even sure if i know myself. after all, being myself could be the last thing i wanted to be. i didnt ask for all of these to be here. doubt, its complicating.. why are you even here? go away. shoo! you never make me feel good. just let me be with my heart. the one that holds all the pain while i fake my smile, my story, everything! ohh im so good at it that now i think im just another faker who wants to be liked by everybody. now that its revealed, is there any chance you could welcome me with your wide arm? we'll start everything over with only you and me.."

aaaand this has nothing to do with my current situation. :) *i lied*

good times yesterday.

aizam ohh aizam. thanks for coming yesterday. and, thanks to zul for joining us. eventhough i didnt offer you a warm welcome. still awkward eh? but, the chitchat, well, to be continued next time we meet, okay? thanks guys! :)

am i a stalker?

i keep seeing this guy i know from facebook. i saw him more than FIVE times at non-common places. i was like, what a coincident.. WICKED!

guess who i saw..

well, i saw akmal h ahmad. azri and his girlfriend aaand majidah. BUT, among all of them, majidah was the only one who saw me back. thanks for the short-chitchat maj. :)

me plus you. :)

he makes me happy. and i know where i'll be... right by his side coz, he is the one..

can i keep thursday?

aaanother night spent with my boyfriend.. ohh, i wanna keep you in my pocket so you wouldnt have to leave.. and so i could see you every second. take care of you. accompany you. everything.. i lalalove you~ :)

Happy Three Months Anniversary.. :)

aah, we made it together. i love you, sayang. may Allah bless our relationship.. Amin~ :)

each and every time i have to wait, i bury my pain deeper.

i am lonely. and i am bored. my phone doesnt even make a single sound. no incoming calls, no new messages. nothing! uh, i had a pretty boring day today. not to mentioned about things going on between me and my pa. aah, blaming me over a simple thing. sorry to say, pa. you've been blaming me since i was born. im tired of it. ergh! aaaand, eins eins, where are you...? huh.. i am so out of ideas. and, i dont know what to do other than have to wait for it. so, um okay then. off.. iskh. nada mood ku baaa. :'(

eins. ohh, youre my future.

i need him right now. i really really do.. uh, i dreamt of a very very uncool dream where our relation is um well, i bet you already know.. i dont usually tell people my nightmares. but, for some reason, i wanted to. no, i needed to. god, dont make my future another vain dream of mine. i believe that he is it. he is the one. whom i will be building my future with.. my heart still beats faster.. a drop or two tears fell when i opened my eyes. realizing its just a nightmare, i sent him a text message as usual but started with i love you. uh, i wish to see his smile everytime im having nightmares.. ohh eins.. :'(

eins. ohh, i want nobody, nobody but YOU :)

he is um asleep. and me, i can't sleep. uh, i hate it when i can't sleep. so, quick updates, guys.. i, changed his name in my contact lists.. name that suits him better. aaand, i kept looking at his photos again and again.. ohh, i miss him so much. sob sob. i haven't seen him since friday. which is, three days ago. ohmigod, feels like ages, man! and our three months ann is within two more days. gosh, i countdown lots of things eh.. um, so i guess i'm done. off. bye, i love ya, baby!

eins. my super boyfriend-friday oh friday. :)

another precious moment i spent with my boyfriend. :)
thanks for everything and i love you..

yes!

just now, i received a text message.. aaand guess what? it's my june o'level result. i passed my english. means i'm adding another O in my result. thank goodness. ohmigod. i felt like crying, man! i am so happy...!

eins.

boyfriend, you're my everything..
aaand i love you. :)

i wish today is still yesterday.

i met my boyfriend yesterday. we planned to watch a movie. but due to lateness, we had to cancel the plan. so we ended up having dinner at la mee. and then, we were about to go to jp. but it rained kinda heavily. so, again-cancelled. beside, jp was closed. aah, what a luck. but i didnt regret spending time with him. every second i spent with him is PRECIOUS. since ramadhan is coming, i booked him for 'after sungkai' time. hehe. aaaand, i remember my sister shouted 'puaspuas tah kamu before puasa'. haha. sounds kinky. aah, zip it. enough with dirty minded.. uh, im missing him already. :')

ramadhan.

i dont know if i should be happy when the fasting month comes. i miss everything. i miss how things used to be. with grandpa reading the prayer during sahur and sungkai.. now who'll be reading the prayer for us? who'll be waking us up to get ready for sahur? im not even sure if i wanna wake up anymore. i miss you grandpa. we miss you. i feel the changes. and you know how much i hate changes. i want things back how they used to be! am i asking too much?! these are making things difficult, grandpa.. i need you!

what a boring sunday

im missing my boyfriend! i havent seen him since friday.. aaaah, plus, i've got nothing to do today. BORING!

this obsession brings me joy at last.

before we were together, i told myself to give everything up. people around me told me to confess. i never did. until this very moment where i had to. i used to think that love was a fool's illusion. then i discovered that i was a fool for love.
thank goodness i didn't give up. well, yea i did. once. but then, i moved on and keep one thing to myself.. 'happy ending awaits you at the very end of this journey' i ended my journey with me, taken by him. i captured his HEART. I DID IT. i really did it. sob sob. tears of joy, aah, dramatic.. okay. i'm off, bye. again. love ya!

i won't regret the decision i made.

having him is enough. what more can i say? I AM COMPLETE.. okay. off, bye!

a little explaination solved my problems.

finally, i CONFRONTED him. on the phone though. i asked him all the questions that had haunt me. honestly, not all the answers are like what i've expected. the reason why i kept all of these to myself is that, i am AFRAID of knowing the answers. i mean, come on. i broke up with jerks i LOVED because of another girls. and yes, GIRLS.. so apparantly, my fear has become phobia. i freak out whenever he's online, when he's out with his friends and etc. i don't feel like listing them all.. and here, i defend myself. i'm not trying to be a controlfreak, dear. no no no. this is all the JERKS' fault. aah, they ruined me. and you, FIXED me! i can't keep on like this. i depend on you just so i can feel the 'WARMNESS' again. see, i've told ya my life's complicated. unexpected things happen when i freak out. ergh. stupid me! okay okay. i'm off.. love ya, baby! xoxo

guys, kamu tah kawan seperjuangan kuu.. *banar!*

i visited some of my friends' blogs and facebooks, and i noticed something. i noticed that i am beginning to fade away from everyone's mind. and i realized that i've kept myself busy doing nothing for the past few months. ohh guys, i miss you. when can we MEET again? now, we all are walking on our own path, leaving me on my own. UNEMPLOYED. duhh.. i'm off!

eins.. hugs and kisses.

eins.. i gave him my world. and wish for his in return. all this time, i've been going with the flow followed by a little effort to keep me on track so he won't feel bore with me. being an optimists, so not me. but thinking it might bring happiness to both of us, i managed to be one. he even changed me. i feel IMPROVED. all i need to do is believing. and i'm telling you that i do believe that we will be such a perfect, happy couple. and yes, HE IS FULLY MINE AND I AM FULLY HIS. but then, one issue, 'forever' doesn't sound like forever anymore. sorry. but i've seen people around me breaking up, crashing down. people who swore that they're going to be together FOREVER. now, who's to blame? forever is a meaningless word when it's written only with ink and paper. i might not say it out loud. but in my point of view, 'forever' is a very very strong word which needs more than all of my efforts just for me to say it..

eins. love love love.

hello readers. it has been quite some time since i last post my story. things had change. from worst to bad. bad to good. and good to BETTER.
my friend and i, are cool now. i mean, i apologized. so i guess saying sorry aint that hard after all.
okay okay. the FUN part, me and my love. eins. aah, finally i told him who is eins. which is himself. it embarrassed me though. but then, i dont want him to think it was somebody else. we're getting much much better. and i really wish/believe that he is my mr. perfect. i couldn't wish for more. i did things i've never done with my ex. don't WET yourself, guys. we didn't do something stupid. i mean, we held hands. we went to see movies. we spent times together. aah, we had so much fun. we even meet every weekend. i hope this goes on like this. and i wish we can see each other everyday. and trust me, i'll never get tired of seeing him. this makes him, my FIRST LOVE. and i'm no longer living in the past. my exs, i'm so over them. and say hello to my new boyfriend, eins!

my lalala mind

i'm not sure what i wanna talk about. so this time, i think i'm just going to write about things on my mind, okay..
well, for some reason, i'm missing grandpa so bad. and i miss my boyfriend who is probably sleeping right now. and i'm super bored. hell bored.. i've been thinking about things i did. i think, i should apologise to my bestfriend. the one i hurt really bad. i mean, i wanted to. like, really really wanted to. but, i don't have guts. aaand, now i realize that i'm not a good friend. well, not good enough to be someone's bestfriend. at least we had a real good time back then.. darn it! i shouldn't have been so rude toward him that day. i told him that i don't wanna see him again. and i mean it. okay okay, forget it. despite the fact that i'm full of shit right now, i'm happy that i spent my time yesterday with my boyfriend. well, i'm so grateful to have him, to have known him. he's everything to me.. and i love him so much..

Happy Two Months Anniversary

the title has it all..
I Love you Sayang~

bestfriend

aah, i can't believe that this is happening! i feel guilty for turning my back on him. i ignored him. i wanna tell him that i'm so so so so sorry. but i just couldn't. he smiled. yet i gave a cold look at him. i shouldn't do that. i'm sorry. okay, i'll explain from the beginning, okay. i was stress. i thought that 'thing' could help me. and i needed you to listen to me. you did. but then labelling me as something i hate won't help okay. so the real reason why i've been doing all this to you is because i'm ashame to face you. your family. not to mention the part where you told your mom about me. i understand that you thought it would help me. people make mistakes, buddy. including me. so i'm sorry. i hope you read this. after all, i made you hate me. you'd probably won't forgive me. it's up to you. i'll move on eventhough it'll leave me a bad memory. i really am sorry..

if it's hard for you, then leave me alone.

a friend of mine, well a very very best bestfriend of mine had been there for me. he had been listening to all my problems. i never thought that it would create a chaos scene between us. it's like, i'm drowning myself in an ocean of humiliation. yet, he still wants to solve my problem. please, just leave me alone, okay. don't get me wrong. it's just that i worsten everything when i have problems. including our friendship. so i guess i accidentally dragged you deep down into this with me. (what i did was just a small matter. i know you hate it. i just couldn't stop.) i should've keep it all to myself in the first place. but i was desperate. i needed someone. aah, this is embarrassing. now i feel like i don't wanna see you anymore. i so need to get away from all this. i promise you that i won't tell you anything after this. blame my stupidity for all this. i'm so sorry..

my family

just shoot me already

i'm tired of this shit. why is it all about money? about this goddamn money! mom, please listen! i need no money to survive. it's them. they need it. why me mom? why?! don't leave us. just tell me if you hate seeing me. then i'll leave for good. you must be wondering why do you gave birth to a troublemaker daughter like me. stab my heart if you want to put it to an end. i'll be doing you a favor if i'm not around anymore. isn't it mom? huh? tell me what i said is true. i'm the reason why you can't move on with your life just like how you imagined your life would be. misunderstanding leads to disaster, mom. you misunderstood my intentions. can't you listen carefully? i agreed with what you said. i give you a heartache. can't you see that i'm suffering of heartache too? huh mom? life with you in it makes everything hard for me. i am a spoiled brat. i just need you to love me. am i asking too much?!

i'm superb bored.

i am so out of ideas. i don't know what to do. i don't know what i SHOULD do. it's 3.30 am. i'm waiting for 4.30 am. i wanna help my mom cooking for my sister to be brought to school. aaaah, i can't sleep. and i don't want to coz i might be having difficulties waking up at 4.30 am afterward. gosh.. i wish there's somebody with me right now. i'm hungry and i'm scared to go to the kitchen. i read ghost stories just now. so my emotional is kinda unstable right now. okay, that was dramatic.. huh. please, i wan't to sleep so bad. but i can't. boo hoo. this is sickening...

i miss them so much.

grandpa. i miss you so much. sometimes it feels like as if you're still around, advicing me every morning.. i remembered you saying 'mi, pagi pagi ani cubatah senyum. sedakah tu namanya.' i never had a chance to say how blessed i feel when you're around. not even once. God, help me. i can't move on with this feeling inside me. i just can't leave all the memories i had with grandpa..

my friends. i miss you guys. it has been a very very very very long time since we last met. i'm gaining weight by the way. how are you guys been doing? hows your life? i wanna know so bad.

eins. not to forget, my boyfriend, im missing you, baby.. i want to spend more time with you. i want you to be next to me. i'll never get tired of it. seeing you smiling at me, brighten my day. if i could hold you, i will. i won't let you go.. now you have my word. I WON'T LET YOU GO..

my posts might not be entertaining.

yes. i've noticed that my posts are lacking of photos. sorry guys. the title has it all... it might not be entertaining. yea yea. it's always about me and my love life. blame my emotions for all these posts. i'm just being me. writing what i want to write. i'm not begging for your sympathy everytime i wrote topics about sad things that happened to me. it's life, dude.. read my posts or leave me alone with all my lame posts. i don't really mind.. okay then, i'm off. i might continue writing, but i might not. sorry.

if that's the way how life should be.

i'm not quite sure what i wanna talk about. it's just that, i watched several movies that highlighted the real fact about this life. i bet you know these movies... 'romeo and juliet' 'titanic' 'becoming jane' 'the pride and prejudice' . each movies ended with happy endings in sad endings. it's the love life that i'm talking about. they were the most sweet things i've ever seen. i've always like that kind of stories. it's not always happy, but it's not always sad either. aah, it's just perfect..

how grateful i am to have him in my life. i love you, eins.

eins, eins, eins. do you know how much i LOVE(i rarely use this word) you? you're a part of me now. i won't let you go. not that easy. i'm playing a good girlfriend role but i'm so sorry that you have to live with the imperfect me. i'm not trying to be perfect. i never were. i just hope that you like the real me. i know you don't really know me. i'm not hiding anything. just let me know if you wanna know facts about me. then i'll let you know everything. and i mean, EVERYTHING. i was a naive little girl. now i'm a grown up. i'm missing you every second, honey. i'll hold this relationship as long as i can. and as long as you want me to. i need you to be right here with me. you're different from everybody i know. that what makes you special. your smile always makes me feel happy. and with you in my life, it makes me feel like i'm the luckiest girl in this whole universe. i don't want this feelings to fade away. as long as you're with me, i'll make sure you won't regret the desicions you made. i love you, eins.

metal for soul. yet, i still know who i am.

ya know, i know this guy who labels me as poser just because i listen to some metal songs and i'm wearing all black. i love black. first, because black hides my FLAPS! second, black suits my skin tone. i just don't get it why people hate me for that. well, let me tell you this, YOU, THE ONE WHO LABELS YOURSELF AS METAL AND GOTHIC AND EMO AND PUNK, JUST BACK OFF OKAY. MY STANDARD IS WAY TOO HIGH FOR A SHITFACE LIKE YOU TO JUDGE. IF I NEVER MESS WITH YOUR LIFE, DON'T MESS WITH MINE COZ I MIGHT MESS YOURS TWICE AS BAD. and yes, i wear ladies-wear too, and so what?! i don't do 'show-off' okay. actually, in this case, you're the poser. dressing up with too much shit. way too much. can't you dress like normal people do? ohh, i forgot, you're just craving for my attention right?yes, you did it. you got all my attentions. yet, you still look like a pile of shit. enough okay. just get out of my life. and let me mind my own business.

the new me

i've changed actually. and i have a new boyfriend.. the one i wrote about months ago.. eins. ring a bell? i'm happy with him and i really hope that he'll be my last boyfriend. like, i wanna have a serious relationship.. you feel me guys? anyway, i think that's it.

sorry

i've been AWAY for ages due to lacking of ideas on what topic to talk about.

eins. why?

eins <333. as you all know, i'm obsess with him. yea yea. i know. as if it's a big deal. but recently, i don't know why it makes me sad. day by day, i feel like we're getting closer yet so far away. gosh. this is so not me. i mean, confessing? you have got to be kidding me. that'll be the last thing on earth i'm going to do if i like someone. seriously. the fact that i have to watch him from far--totally pathetic! but can i have him? this question always always always on my mind. i'm scared to know the answer. yet i think i know the answer. I CAN'T HAVE HIM! so i can't do this. totally. being rejected?! NOOOO! i can't imagine how it feels like. damn it! falling in love ain't that wonderful after all. being hurt and all. suck! looking at him makes me happy yet frustrating. sweating. haha. barigali. butterflies in my tummy, man! i can't do things correctly if he's near me. so basically, he's the reason why i fail. no big thing though. life isn't perfect. so do i. i ain't perfect. he isn't either. but for some reason, i think he is.. eventhough it's obvious that he isn't. complicated, huh? imagine if you're in my shoes. TIDAKKKK! diew masalah sa' ehh. kau suka ta' nyieh tuno tuno. ndieh kau mekebieang tieh.

I was thinking about quiting my job

Sometimes, I can't stand the situation I'm in. The fact that my job requires patience and everything makes me sick. My job is so jobless. Sitting for over an hour or more--totally makes me sick. Sleepy? Yea. It happens--everytime! Nothing is right. Lots of customers, trouble us. Gotta be in 2 or more places at a time. No customer, trouble us, too. Gotta make money for a living. I mean, yea. I need experience since this is my first job. But, it's not like how I imagined it. It's boring. But then, have to holding on. This is not for forever.

two days and one night camping

this was my first time camping. so as usual, I was over excited thinking that we're going to Rampayoh just like what Abas said. but, to my surprise, we camp at school. so I was like whattheheck?! where's Rampayoh?! dorn. I was kinda feeling down. yet, I had so much fun. meeting new friends. but still, my monkeys are my very very bestfriend. mus, jangan nangis ahh. ingat ku masih kan kau ni. and we get to get together to play games. we played james bond, raja lipan, bom and many more. of all the games, I love james bond the most. it was superb fun. won twice. terer aku tu. bang bang! haha. and um we get to act. but there are things I hate. first, the superb annoying ABAS! he was in my team. I was the leader, so I gotta be strict. but then, ABAS was so bangang. he gets on my nerves everytime he's near me. eyeaching to see him near me. heartaching because of his bangangness. it's annoying! grrr. and everytime we play games that required playing individually, he lost. I repeat, HE LOST! goddamnit. why?! why was he on my team?! huh. and second, the superb annoying 'o-pairs' they flirt with the boys. so -called-lawa. hahah. I was like 'ohmigod. lawa? am I seeing different people?' they can easily be found near boys. I repeat again, NEAR BOYS! then, she brought a guitar for the boys. so I can be bad sometimes. I borrowed her guitar once in a while and she gave me this mean look. showing how much she didn't want me to play her guitar. haha. annoying. and I was being sarcastic everytime she talked to me so I can shut her up. she talked nonsense and I don't do nonsense talking. means, I ignore someone who talks nonsense. but overall, the camping was fun. ohh ohh. and um our team is called underbelly. and our trademark was
'we may be small,
but some are big,
you should see we role,
till we come back.'
and pantun I made..
'bangun pagi, gosok gigi,
liat luar, berburung murai,
camping cemani, siiiukkk ni,
tapi sayangnya tepaksa besurai'
and I wrote all the lines for acting eventhough it didn't turn out pretty well. THANKS TO ABAS for his spoilness! gosh.

Argh. This is driving me mad!

Right now. I'm in a nearby restaurant. Waiting for my kolo mee. Just now, Imran went to the mosque for the Jumaat prayer. And then, he went back. Asking me if I've had my lunch. So I told him no I haven't and then, he gave me $4 and yes I have my own money. But I prefer 'rezeki jangan ditolak' and then the money fell.. And he said 'alai. kamu kerja tidak lurus bah. kamu malas bah.' so I was like 'whatthefuck! what job?! i did my job pretty well before you hired me! I did follow customers all around. State the
prices and everything. By which I meant EVERYTHING! FRIGGIN EVERYTHING! whatthefuck! as if I'm lazy like a bitch who tries to sharpen her tits! duhh.
Well, I did ignore some customers who tend to be there just so they can see how pathetic I am working there! And I use handphone sometimes. He was the one who told me that it's okay. Wait. kolo mee ku datang. makan sekajap ahh.. okay. sudah.. Alhamdulillah. kanyang jua ku. bah! Back to my story. And um sometimes I read story books. His brother was the one who told me to read while waiting for the customer. And I do organize the unorganized. Duhh~ so calling me 'pemalas' is totally unacceptable. totally.

Another dream I had

It's the same dream. But, different plot, different characters, different everything. What remained the same are me and eins. humph. and mom---trying to wake me up as usual. Okay. In my dream.....eins and I had a huge fight. And blablabla. He sat behind me and put his hands on my shoulder and I was about to turn around and "dek.... kan pukul 8 sudah tu. inda kau keraja ka?" again! "Mehhhh.... aku kan sambung mimpi ku bah." huh. Whyyyyyy?!! Everytime wohh..!

I'm tired of this shit.

ohmigod. I am so missing the time when electricity was cut off here (my work). Right now, I can't concentrate on my reading due to some friggin old, dangdut and lame songs here and there. Everywhere, man! But just now, when I was replying some text on the chatbox, I heard 'ohh.. ratu ku Azizah~' so I was like, "wait a minute. I'm replying zaza's texts. this is awkward"
I am so hungry! Dorn! Mom bought nasi katok for me and brought it here. But no spoon! How am I suppose to eat it exactly? I ain't gonna eat with hand. I'm in a middle of a public building where people are walking all around me. Totally not me. Embarrassing. It's almost midday which leaves me holding on. Trying to figure out how to eat it! Should I hide and eat it? Haha. Freak, dude!

I'm declaring a war with the cockroaches!

ohmigod. cockroaches! dorn. where'd they come from?! eewwww. first, it flew above us, so it was driving all of us crazy, then, it settled at my grandma's door. I was planning to hit it with newspaper. but then, mom said that it'll be smelly and she decided to spray it with sheltox. so I was like "it'll drive it crazy which means, it'll drive us crazy, too, to see a friggin' insect flying over our head!" took a very long time to suggest which way is better. the cockroaches flew while we still discuss about it. then, I asked my uncle where'd it go. and he pointed at my short and said it out loud. "tuuu! arah SELUAR mu!" at first, it's kinda hard to trust what he said since people uses the same 'it's on your trousers.' excuse to tease other. back to my story. well, after that, I looked at my short and noticed it was there and went all panic and BAAAAAAM! hit by me! haha. with newspaper. DEAD!
then, second time was when I was carrying a glass of super hot water and bzzzz... "what the hell is" then, it stopped by to count my bulu tangan. and 'aaaaaaa! meh.. help me.' since I was panicking over a simple problem, I accidentally let go of the glass. so the hot water spilled over my hand. ouch! didn't see that one coming!

eins <333

The last post I posted about him was about my confession. Instead of telling him that, I told you guys.
It's pathetic though. But at least, I can speak my heart out! Right?
I used to write his name here and there. Everywhere. Not his real name, actually. Just the way it's pronounced which is a word. But then, once, he used his name (the way it is pronounced) for his display name, I went panic and start surfing the internet to search for other word to used that has the same meaning with the way it is pronounced. That was when I thought he knew that I like him. Dorn! So I was like "Noooo...! He knew it! Will he ever text me again?" but then, I started to realize that he didn't. Or he did but pretend like he didn't. I'm afraid of being rejected. Well, not that weak type of afraid. I just don't get it, you know. Everytime a person proposed, I tend to reject them. It's not like we'll be together forever. Maybe we will but then, I'm lacking of confidence. So I started to think about all the negative things. But, one thing for sure.. I'll wait for eins<333. And I'll stop if he tells me that he never wish more than friends relationship between us.
I'm not good at this love thingy. Yet, I'm pretty good at solving others' problems. I'm the middle person who solves others' problems but tend to worsten my own problems. But once, I helped a friend of mine. I'm not quite sure if it is a friend of mine or WAS a friend of mine. She was tooooo obsess with her boyfriend. Or should I say EX-boyfriend. That was until he left her. She seeked for my help. But then, she accused me for having a relationship with him and backstabbing her. Well, the real story is that her boyfriend was the one who was so friggin irritating. Forcing me to be his.. And he told me that he's willing to leave his girlfriend which at that time, they were together.. Again. He broke up with her more than 5times just to show me that he loves me. I blame both of them. The girlfriend for being stupid. And the boyfriend, too. I think she still hates me for what had happen. We talk sometimes, but then, remind me not to tell her anything. And by anything, I mean, ANYTHING. EVERYTHING!
Back to my story, eins<333. I want him. Really. But then, I don't have guts to tell him that.. Huh. It's pretty easy if it is to be done in a dream but the outcomes are in a real world.. I want him to notice me. To realize that he means a lot to me. His attentions that I need. But, yea, they're just hope. wish.. Huh. Now I sound so dramatic..

someone I used to know.

Sherwin De Rueda. We had this wonderful brother & sister relationship. Too bad it didn't last forever for he had to go back to his country 'cause his grandma longed to see him. It's sad that I never had a chance to say good bye. He left about 4 to 5 years ago. Yet, I still remember everything. I miss him.

todayyyy.

First, Happy Birthday to my uncle. And congratulations to my oldest cousin who just got married today.
Anyway, I skipped my work today. Without telling the boss that I'm not going to come. I'm tooooooooo lazy. It's tiring.
eins <333~ where'd you go? gilaa kali.. batah ku menunggu. huh.
well, kinda blank right now. so, bye i guess.

tagged!

tagged by Qirah.

001. Name → can't remember. haven't check out my i.c for ages.
004. Zodiac sign → sorry. I'm not an astrologist.
005. Male or female → shemale?
006. Elementary → element? yes! I love science. LOL!
007. Middle School → yes. middle of nowhere.
008. High School → very high. tingkat 3. haha.
009. College School → err i don't know.
010. Hair color → rainbow.
011. Long or short → very long but short.
012. Loud or Quiet → loud when quiet.
013. Sweats or Jeans → sweating jeans.
014. Phone or Camera → phones with camera.
015. Health freak → jangan menyindir wa! apakan ni?!
016. Drink or Smoke? → yes. minum masa menunu rumput karing which gives out lots of smoke.
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → wow. who told you that? eins <333
018. Eat or Drink → dreat?
019. Piercings → yesss. kenapakan?
020. Tattoos → haha. inda dapat~ beside, i don't want one.

First:
023. First piercing → busybody.. shhh~
024. First best friend → mom!
025. First award → award kuat tidur.
026. First crush → antah ehh. I was immature back then. duuh~
027. First pet → nemo. a cat. hehe.
028. First big vacation → KL.
030. First big birthday → can't remember.

Currently:
049. Eating → nope.
050. Drinking → huh. saliva maybe.
052. I'm about to → i don't know.
053. Listening to → sound.
054. Plans for today → malam sudah ni. tidur~~
055. Waiting for → eins <333

YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids? → yes. lots and lots of kids.
059. Want to get married? → heheh. tatap tu!
060. Careers in mind → successful one.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE BOY/GIRL YOU LIKE?
068. Lips or eyes → everything!
070. Shorter or taller? → which part are you talking about?
072. Romantic or spontaneous → both.
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → both bah!
074. Sensitive or loud → do I have a choice?
075. Hook-up or relationship → ahh? apakan? I'm into a serious relationship kalii ahh.
076. Trouble maker or hesitant → antah.

HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts → what do you care? it's not like you're going to help me searching. duuh~
081. Ran away from home → indaa ehh. I'm a GOOD girl.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense → a stick. once. haha.
083. Killed somebody → in a game. I'm bad!
084. Broken someone's heart → always.
085. Been arrested → inda ehh. gila kali!
087. Cried when someone died → huh. why do you have to ask?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself → sometimes.
090. Miracles → yes.
091. Love at first sight → used to.
092. Heaven → yes.
093. Santa Claus → sandy claw?
094. Tooth Fairy → inda ehh. tooth fairy is freaking the hell outta me!
095. Kiss on the first date → huh? your point?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → yes. my family. eins <333. my monkeys.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → um err yes?
099. Do you believe in God → awu ehh.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 20 people → linkers.

A dream I had

I slept pretty late last night. After eins told me he wants to sleep, I decided to call it a day. And sleep! Zzz. I had this dream about eins.. I was text messaging with him. Blablabla. Then, he said "mira. if you wanna tell me what your heart wants to say, speak out. I know how you feel about me. I'm okay with that." so I replied "what?! Who told you that?!" he smiled. And I was about to confess "eins.. Actually, I......." "Dek! Wake up. Its 8 o clock. You need to go to work.." for a moment, mom was in my dream as well. Trying to wake me up. I slept like a log. But then, "noooooo! I was about to confess, mom! Whyyyyyy...?!" I screamed inside my head. haha. dorn. Imagine if mom didn't wake me up. gosh. I'd probably jumping of the roof if we were on a relationship. huh. spoiled! eins~

Karate lesson

Congratulations to Mustaqim for winning his first sparring! Haha. He was soooo kuat! *yuckptui* nada la mus. Si mus manang saja time sparring tadi. Eseh. Handal ehh. Haha. His sparring partner was Wan.. *kiraikirai* heheh. He tried his best. Si mus manakan inda manang tadi, ia pakai muay thai. Kan mus? Jangan kau antam ia mus ahh. Jaga kau! Haha. We learnt the new kata. um haiyan shidan kaa namanya? A bit different than kyong kata. Lurus ka namanya tuu? But fun anyway. Hahah. You know, I wish, aku dapat sparring sama the girl version of TRIPLE H! Muahahaha!! Dorn! I was being hyper just now. Took some pills to regain my energy since I'm working and everything. Earlier masa ku makan pill tu, my lips were numb. And my body was shaking berabis. Yet, I didn't feel tired. Banar~ over effect pill ahh.

Talk fight with a sehhtuupid customer

Argh. An old man got on my nerves just now! Dorn! This old man, came and asked "berapa harga ayat diluar tu?"
but looked at somewhere else as if he was asking someone else. And then,he used a mean tone asking me the same question.
So I answered "yang mana?"
since there are around 5 ayat out there. But he didn't answer. He went inside to the ayat section.
Then, I asked him "ayat yang basar cemani ka?"
then, he said "yang diluar atu bah!"
then, I replied "yatah! Aku betanya yang mana satu!"
I went out to see which one was he talking about.
Then "yang ani bah! Basar ani!"
and I said "antah ahh. Nada kana tulis harganya."
he said "yata berapa harganya?!"
then, I noticed that the ayat is labelled with 'SOLD'
so I told him "SOLD jua tu..!"
but then, he was babal-ing asking me "jadi?! berapa kan harganya ni?! Ayat ani bah."
I said "yata. SOLD sudah."
he said "berapa harganya?!"
I replied "antah baaaaah! Owner nya nadaaaaaaaa! Inda ku tau harganyaaaaaaa! Lagipun SOLD sudaaaaaah!"
then he said "inda tau harga?! Cemana kan kamu bejual ani?!" and he mumbled around.
And I said "telampau jua urang tua ani!"
Babal! Sudah jua dibagitau! Shit ehh! Argh. Rasa kan ku antam bah. Banar tah. Kasar kasar! Peluiii...!!

PUHHLEEESS! I need a day off!

God! I am so so so tired. And so so so not into working right now. All day long. Every single day. I've been sitting on this chair. Warming my ass and typing my handphone which I'm sure the Pakistan brothers are annoyed by me. How boring can this be? I wish I've received my salary. My very first salary. Then, Im going to hangout with my monkeys! My treat. No worries guys. But, I hope eins wants to go out with me. Told him I'm going to belanja him arah pizza hut. Where would be a romantic place to go to on a first date ehh? A so-called-date actually. Beside, pizza hut is like, 50 steps from my place of work. Haha. eins eins eins. I wish you knew about it. Yet, for a moment, I wish you wouldn't know. It's like, I want to but I don't want to. Huh. eins~ Will you accept me for being me? *dramatic!* But will you? hehh? *kiraikirai* You are like the
perfect verson of imperfect human being. You're cold. Yet you're funny. eins <333

guess who I met yesterday

after several weeks... i met AZIMIN! haha. haven't seen him for quite some time. i think he's taller than before. melangui jua kepala meliat ia. when i say him yesterday, aku cover mua ku.. pakai tangan! pfft. sekalur. panic wa. yata macam omg. apa kan dibuat ni?! haha. then, ia dengani aku bali red bull. i need energy! huh. and then, kami cerita cerita. lapas tu balik tia. haha.

yesterday's stories. posting problem so gotta post it today.

argh. boring! gilaa kalii. yet, i have stories to write..
wait... sirens! huh. twice sudah bebunyi tu ari ani.
tadi pagi. abid, imran's brother, sat on this chair. the one i used to sit on. well, kerusi ni always produces farting sound. so, tadi, masa abid duduk, ia pusing. and then, bebunyi tia kerusi tu. lapas tu, ia liat aku and 'ahh? apa?' so aku macam 'what?! that wasn't me. it was your chair!'
tadi juaa, masa anak bos restaurant turun dari bilik durang, sa'id, imran's brother jua, siring ku. well between us ada kain begantung, so ia inda nampak aku la and aku inda nampak ia. ia tau pulang aku siring atu. but, aku inda tau ia siring ku. then, anak bos tu angkat tangan arah sa'id. since aku inda tau ia siring ku, aku angkat tangan la jua. then anak bos atu buat sign bukan, and ia tunjuk siring ku. lapastu ada tia sa'id melintas. i was so sober. macam if i was wearing make up tabal tabal, conform ratak tu pasal over malu. gila kali. ani, ada anak bos tu melintas, aku... apa lagi, inda la mau tulih arah ia. haha. sober weng! asi asi kan membalas. huh.
today jua, aku lupa minta duit arah my dad. so, aku kelaparan la! huhu. gurrrr.. bebunyi jua la parut, menahan lapar. haha.
and also masa pagi, ada this customer, ia bali baju. and harga baju tu less than $30 la. tapi, dibayarnya pakai $100. awal pagi kali ahh. yata abid paksa meruah beg kan cari duit $5 and $1. lapastu, ia cakap 'bah ehh. jangan lambat!' so aku macam 'siapa menyuruh kita makai duit $100.' annoying bah.

misspelled words

ohh. gosh. i've read all the posts I posted arah blog ani. and omg! banyak error guys. means.. banyak words salah. gilaa kalii. and im kinda lazy kan fix every error. so paham paham la mun ada yang bida ejaan nya tu. f.y.i, im not brilliant. haha. apakan.

salary, salary & salary!

yey! inda batah lagi terima guys! i mean, my dad.. gosh. i need to buy all sorts of barang. start with camera! haha. a must have. but, yang biasa la saja. snap shot. face detector and water proof. wahaha. can i have it? and then, if cukup rezeki, 'bah~ aku mau handphone sama line baru.. please... um laptop bulih ka jua?' haha. demanding. gilaaa kalii!

This boring day

Today is a super boring day. i'm so sleepy. telintuk lintuk jua ku ni. ergh. yesterday, balik kraja, masa sampai rumah. Makan tarus tidur. haha. means inda mandi! message pun pukul 3 lalu baru balas. gilaaaa kaliii.
Today, customers banyak juala. and each one of them tanya the super common question. 'brapa lama kamu sini laii?' so aku keluarkan la kata kata power ku. haha. 'InsyaAllah, mun rezeki banyak, makin lama la sini. mun inda, cari lagi tampat lain.... kita kan bali baju ani bu?' hahaha. dorn! sober bah ku.

Another boring day.

argh. boring! gila kalii. huh. i woke up 'pretty' late. then, masa arrived disini, sunyi weng! Super sunyi. kurrr kurrr. sleepy. but can't sleep. headache wa ulehnya. gosh. i need red bull! haha. seriously.. just now ada this posh customer. acting like shes all that. dude. thats lame! with eewy style and everything. menyusahkan wa urang cematu atu. suruh buka kain dalam plastic. tapi, inda dibalinya. ngalih wa ku kan melipat balik!! ehh. mengapakan ni?! huh. i am soooo makan gaji! hahah. for over 1hour, i've been sitting arah kerusi ani. gurrr. lapar ku bah. i wanna go home.
cant wait till tomorrow. HE<333!

some nonsense i tend to wrote after 1hour being hyper!

ohh TIDAKKKK! today is supposed to be day off since ada Maulud Nabi. but due to kesamakan booth tu, i have to keraja today. NO HALF DAY! God! ngalih wa. panas lagi. gilaa kalii. huhuhu. sandi ehh. urang lain cuti. diri, keraja! ergh. tadi, ada this one SHETUPID budak. her mom asked mana assistant booth atu. and that kid shouted 'TU!' sambil menuding jarinya yang kuruuuuus berabis atu. and then aku cakap la 'APA?!' and then ia sober macam 'omg. pikir ku urang luar. rupanya local. sober ku eh!' and ia jaling jaling. kureng ajar tu weng! ada lagi this one time ia panggil mamanya cemani 'ma!' tapi inda kana layan then ia cakap 'uii!' arah mamanya. gila. kureng ajar tu. sasak ku. macam 'I wanna punch her sorry ass!' iskh. you know, orang yang usulnya kaya, everytime melintas, they give me the 'im rich. you. POOR!' look. sasak jua ku tu. ergh. tapi, bila harga carpet $130, atu pun ia cakap mahal! gila ku eh. but, tadi, he <333 was being nice arah aku. hahh. gila!

TIDAKKKKK! boredom strikes!

argh. im bored like hell, dude! super bored. nothing to do. still got 8hours. ergh. stress wa duduk like a dumb ni! macam.. 'ignore me, im a living doll!' huh. and yang tawar menawar supaya harga murah jadi lagi murah tu, annoying hantap tu ahh. iskh. but just now, imran was talking to his friend asking for gatah. i was near him. but i thought he was asking me. so i was like asi asi menjawab 'aah? antah. nada kali. um nada tah tu ehh. ahh awu. banar. nada!' and he looked at me like 'are you talking to yourself? O.o' and i was sober. so so so sober. rasa kan ku tampal muaku sama kain. and i laughed sorang diri macam kana histeria. gosh. sandi wa rasanya. gila. boring ehh.
diaaaa nada mcl. huh. conform aher bangun tu. boring boring!

Today's story

Now, im on my way to somewhere near lumut. WORKING! Im a bit late today since I work up pretty late. Gosh! boring. boring. boring. Panas lagi tu mun tengahari. gila! balik lagi malam. huh. For a moment, i thought i couldn't hang on for another weeks. I need gaji! Yet, the owner told me to sit and watch ONLY. makan gaji aku ahh. huh. kawan. kawan. kawan! huhu. when will imran hire another assistant? Actually, this morning, PBSM duty. tapi, since aku kraja.... inda tah dapat. dorn! sunyi ehh. huh. HE <333 inda kraja ari ani. and yesterday ia ada message. heheh.

yesterday's story

Yesterday was a super tiring day. banar! started working around 8am. and finished around 7pm. dorn! wish ada kawan. Qiraaaaaaaaaah! I need you, kawan! nada dangan ku becerita bah. ergh. like, i feel so discrimated when the owner talks with his people. I mean, their language. So i was like 'dorn. what are they talking about?' Huh. And today... still needs to wake up early. huh. can i work for half day only? xp

yesterday's magic!

Yesterday morning. I woke up pretty late so I missed doing the chores which is a pretty good thing. I pitied my mom though. Then, all of a sudden... "Dek, wake up! Imran wants you to work with him at his booth." so I was like "what Imran? what work? what booth?" huh. I was so sleepy. So I met Imran and he told me blablabla. And I'm hired. While working, HE <333 asked me for my phone number. OMG! I was so excited. And I smiled like a dumb infront of the customer. Huh. Embarrassing! After that, I went back home pretty early since I had a karate lesson. Then sensei asked me if I wanna have early grading. I've been waiting for this moment like forever! After that blablabla sensei informed who passes the grading. I passed! double grading. So did Wan and Mustaqim. Jiji passed but didn't get double. I'm happy for her though..

I was sooooooo sentimental.

this video is like soooooo sad. Cried couple of times because of this. ergh. okay okay. I mean everytime. gosh. way too sentimental for me.

Alone.

I was alone this morning. I mean afternoon. I over slept so my mom gotta leave me. Everybody was not around. Even Lucky(my cat) didn't show up when I called her. I was like 'gosh! what's going on right now? it's so..... quite.' so I went all over the house seeking for everybody. Then I noticed that no cars were around. I was on my way to my sis's room when I heard her sneezes. But then when I opened the door, nobody was there. Freaking the hell out of me. Weird. After that, I went to the toilet doing my thing. Then all of a sudden, the volume of the radio in the living room was BOOM! so loud that I freezes for a second. Dorn! it was so scary so I ran into my mom's room. Hide inside a blanket like a fool. haha. It was funny though. So I text my mom asking where she've been. Then blablabla. About 30mins after that, my mom and my sis showed up. Thank God...

it was super!

went to wasai wong kadir this morning. it was super fun and super cold. haven't been there since ages. duuh! so yea, I joined my uncles and cousins. and grandma.. siuk nyamu! the water was like sooooooooooooooo cold. shaking the hell out of my body. waterfall! waterfall! weeeeee. the route, improved and fixed. but due to the soil erosion, we faced some problems. small problems actually. iskh. siuk ehh. but too bad I didn't take any photos. lupa bah. haha.

confession! eins<333

Thanks to my BFFF for helping me dealing with this situation.
I've this super big huge crush on someone. Met him few months ago. Well, he's kinda secretive. My sister knows him pretty well. We've just started contacting each other few weeks ago. He's um err way older than me. He's nice. Likes to smile. And pretty funny sometimes. grrr. weird. and yes I really really like him. Somehow, it's kinda impossible to have him. darn it. I never ask him if he has a girlfriend. so it's obvious that I don't know and seriously, I don't wanna know.
But if I could have him, I'll be so so so grateful. I keep on saying his name over and over again. So my mom and my sis are annoyed by me. haha. can't help it. like, he is a must have in this life... if you know what I mean. gosh. he doesn't know about this. I just don't wanna spoil this friendship. haha. gila!

This is driving me nuts!

First, I had a fight with my DAD. And now my MOM! Damn! What is wrong with these people?! Blaming me over some stupid frigging things! It has been this frigging way ever since I was born. Abused. Hated. Ignored. Argh!
My dad. He never support me. NEVER EVER. Everytime I need support, he'll be the first one who dissapoints me. And when I fail, he'll be the first one who compares me with everybody. GREAT DAD huh? But there's one thing that I never understand. WHY ME?! I had this fight with my dad about two days ago. I felt like hurting him. But then my mom told me not to. And said that it's normal for the second child to be um kinda hated. So I thought my mom understands how I feel that frigging moment. But now, it's obvious. Nobody gives a damn. NOBODY. I need somebody when I feel down. And now, I have no one. Duuh! Great life. Great parents. Sometimes, I feel like I needed to go somewhere far from this place for a couple of days. Perhaps months. And now, I wish I could..

I can't sleep so just write some random topics.

Today, I'm planning to go fishing with my uncle. Can't wait. And I'm too excited that I can't sleep. Can't deal with fish actually. But hey, just wanna give it a try. Last time I went fishing, I caught this weird fish. Eeeeew. Hope I get different fish this time. haha.
This evening, my family and I went to the back of our house. Well, did a little cleaning campaign. Then, there was this caterpillar. Stung my hand. It was so itchy that now, I had this mark on my hand. Huh. Ugly. Looks like as if I was abused. haha. Pretty funny actually. My reaction. haha. Like, it scared the hell out of me. Eeeew. Did a little teamwork too. haha. Pulling this dead long twigs. Killing my hand. Good thing I wore gloves. Gotta avoid any possible danger. I should have wore pair of boots but, the last time I bought boots was when I was 8 I guess. Long time huh. And I remember they were dark blue till my sis painted it with white paint! haha. I still laugh when I remember those things. Huh. Sometimes, I wish I was still small. Things we've done were quite adventurous. More exciting. With adrenaline, pumping. Felt like jumping of the roof. haha. Gosh! I really miss those days!