The last post I posted about him was about my confession. Instead of telling him that, I told you guys.
It's pathetic though. But at least, I can speak my heart out! Right?
I used to write his name here and there. Everywhere. Not his real name, actually. Just the way it's pronounced which is a word. But then, once, he used his name (the way it is pronounced) for his display name, I went panic and start surfing the internet to search for other word to used that has the same meaning with the way it is pronounced. That was when I thought he knew that I like him. Dorn! So I was like "Noooo...! He knew it! Will he ever text me again?" but then, I started to realize that he didn't. Or he did but pretend like he didn't. I'm afraid of being rejected. Well, not that weak type of afraid. I just don't get it, you know. Everytime a person proposed, I tend to reject them. It's not like we'll be together forever. Maybe we will but then, I'm lacking of confidence. So I started to think about all the negative things. But, one thing for sure.. I'll wait for eins<333. And I'll stop if he tells me that he never wish more than friends relationship between us.
I'm not good at this love thingy. Yet, I'm pretty good at solving others' problems. I'm the middle person who solves others' problems but tend to worsten my own problems. But once, I helped a friend of mine. I'm not quite sure if it is a friend of mine or WAS a friend of mine. She was tooooo obsess with her boyfriend. Or should I say EX-boyfriend. That was until he left her. She seeked for my help. But then, she accused me for having a relationship with him and backstabbing her. Well, the real story is that her boyfriend was the one who was so friggin irritating. Forcing me to be his.. And he told me that he's willing to leave his girlfriend which at that time, they were together.. Again. He broke up with her more than 5times just to show me that he loves me. I blame both of them. The girlfriend for being stupid. And the boyfriend, too. I think she still hates me for what had happen. We talk sometimes, but then, remind me not to tell her anything. And by anything, I mean, ANYTHING. EVERYTHING!
Back to my story, eins<333. I want him. Really. But then, I don't have guts to tell him that.. Huh. It's pretty easy if it is to be done in a dream but the outcomes are in a real world.. I want him to notice me. To realize that he means a lot to me. His attentions that I need. But, yea, they're just hope. wish.. Huh. Now I sound so dramatic..
