This is driving me nuts!

First, I had a fight with my DAD. And now my MOM! Damn! What is wrong with these people?! Blaming me over some stupid frigging things! It has been this frigging way ever since I was born. Abused. Hated. Ignored. Argh!
My dad. He never support me. NEVER EVER. Everytime I need support, he'll be the first one who dissapoints me. And when I fail, he'll be the first one who compares me with everybody. GREAT DAD huh? But there's one thing that I never understand. WHY ME?! I had this fight with my dad about two days ago. I felt like hurting him. But then my mom told me not to. And said that it's normal for the second child to be um kinda hated. So I thought my mom understands how I feel that frigging moment. But now, it's obvious. Nobody gives a damn. NOBODY. I need somebody when I feel down. And now, I have no one. Duuh! Great life. Great parents. Sometimes, I feel like I needed to go somewhere far from this place for a couple of days. Perhaps months. And now, I wish I could..

I can't sleep so just write some random topics.

Today, I'm planning to go fishing with my uncle. Can't wait. And I'm too excited that I can't sleep. Can't deal with fish actually. But hey, just wanna give it a try. Last time I went fishing, I caught this weird fish. Eeeeew. Hope I get different fish this time. haha.
This evening, my family and I went to the back of our house. Well, did a little cleaning campaign. Then, there was this caterpillar. Stung my hand. It was so itchy that now, I had this mark on my hand. Huh. Ugly. Looks like as if I was abused. haha. Pretty funny actually. My reaction. haha. Like, it scared the hell out of me. Eeeew. Did a little teamwork too. haha. Pulling this dead long twigs. Killing my hand. Good thing I wore gloves. Gotta avoid any possible danger. I should have wore pair of boots but, the last time I bought boots was when I was 8 I guess. Long time huh. And I remember they were dark blue till my sis painted it with white paint! haha. I still laugh when I remember those things. Huh. Sometimes, I wish I was still small. Things we've done were quite adventurous. More exciting. With adrenaline, pumping. Felt like jumping of the roof. haha. Gosh! I really miss those days!

some random things

Something about this lyric I love. =) Post it just for fun.

When her body gave into that sickness again
(she always knew it would),
She didn't want to say a thing for fear
That if he knew, he'd never risk
Getting even this close to her. Fever
Has made her shameless. She's desperate to infect,
And she'd kill to hear him moan with misery,
Burning sweet, keeping her suffering company with his,
Bowels twisted from that seductive disease.
Some shit spreads with a secret contagion,
And you'll either be fascinated or repulsed
By the velocity of defeat.

Tell me, doctor, are you giving up?
Yes, I know it's completely fucked.
Show me a credible witness
To the existence of a functional love
Or even just a functional fuck.
Doctor, are you giving up on me?
Don't you see it's each other we need?
You're the sadist and it seems I just might be

A masochist, neither one of us satisfied
Until I'm writhing. And I overheard them say,
"Our guinea pigs are in for it;
We're straining day and night to find the origin
Of this mutant strain,
Once microscopic, now epidemic,
Which crawled its way into her brain."
She didn't ask for it, but she's passing it
To everybody she meets.
And it might not be the most pleasurable thing,
But the sensation can be so addicting.

He won't surrender. His system guards against
The potential agony. But he will never realize that,
Consequently, he's missing out on the ecstasy.
He won't surrender. His system protects him against me.

Well, it wasn't caused by amphetamines,
But his dopamine levels are unquestionably depleting,
And my favorite hypochondriac is starting to display
Symptoms of hysterical paralysis.
All the doctors can say is, "there's nothing physically amiss."
Isn't it ironic? I'm the sadist,
But now it seems he just might be immune to what I inflict.

This feeling

For a moment, I think I know exactly what 'my life's empty' means. Leaving in my own head. As if I lost those I Love. I felt it before. Abandonment. This world. Bright on the outside. But dull in the inside. So am I. Faking it won't help 'cause I know I can't do this forever. Seeing things I wanna see. Yes. Makes me happy though. But it's just for a few second. Crying over some unforgetable memories. HAH! Nobody gives a damn. It's pathetic. This heart.. needs something to cover this big hole inside it. But why?! This world seems to take a piece of me. Every single time. 'living life to the fullest' I still can't figure out what it means. But it sure does sound um good.