Tonight, i wont write crappy post. I just need to get this thing out of my head..
Okay, lets just start with how i became like this... First, it was only because of one tiny bone fragment.. And then, i don't know if its connected with this story.... My whole body started to ache like hell.. I cant stand up too long. I cant sit too long. I cant squat too long and i cant even lay on my bed too long.. So i pretty much cant do anything.. my bones keep making this cracking sound.. I don't know what the hell is wrong.. Even the doctors I've met didn't know what the hell is wrong with me.. In my mind, i kept thinking 'what if this thing is deadly?' i know it sounds dramatic but if you're in my position, you'll know what i feel.. On that day onward, I'm starting to be more um, paranoid and acting pretty strange. I keep doing things as if i wont still be here tomorrow.. I kiss my mom at night. i even hug her.. I cried when I'm unable to meet my boyfriend.. its not about if you cant make it next week, baby.. It was never about it.. Its about me.... What if i cant make it next week or the other week and another and another... everyday, this cracking sound gets worst, even the pain is unbearable.. and i didnt go to any appointments anymore. I needed some sort of painkiller but the doctor only gave me this multivitamins which i get everytime i went to the hospital.. that thing you called multivitamins doesnt make me okay... I just need the damn painkiller...
And i missed you, dad.....
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