If I could turn back time.....

I would.... I really would, so I can fix that one and only tiny problem.. Its not my place to judge your personality. But i know that if I were you, I would've done the same thing.. So, seriously, forgive me?

8th October 2010

I would like to thank my baby for celebrating my birthday with me. Eventhough it was dawn masa atu. I never had a chance to tell you how much I appreciate you being there with me.

And thanks to those yang balikan cakes.. :)

Things happen for a reason

' "am i going to die?" i asked. "no, not just yet.." said the doctor.'

:)

Today is my birthday.. Im half happy and half emotionless..

Current date, 8th October, 2010..
Current time, 12:09 AM.
Curent location, home with my baby.

I feel alone since my baby is asleep. And i dont know what to tell you guys. I've run out of topics and ideas, badly..! 4 more days lagi genap 2 years since my late grandpa, Haji Suhaili Bin Pulong left us. He was a great man. Very supportive and very loving.

Grandpa, i miss you. Not that kami inda reda with what happened.. Its just that, things has been so different. For nearly 2 years, our heart feel so empty. I was frustrated until I met my baby. How I wish I can tell you all about him. He is a very awesome guy. He make me feel complete in a male female relationship. I've change because of him. A good thing though. Its hard living on my own. So I wish to marry him by next year of course.. And I made a promise to spent my wages in a good way so I can use my own money for my wedding. And I shall not break it. Life without you is like living in a house that had been cut into many pieces. I know death is inevietable, but pretending like you're here makes me feel alright. Everynight, I cry to my sleep thinking if anything would go wrong. Thinking if I would still be with my family tomorrow. I remember how you used to accompany me every morning waiting for the school bus. I never had a chance to say thank you.. So, Thank You grandpa. I thank you for taking care of us. For making things right when they're wrong.. Ohh man I cant seem to stop these tears from falling.. I keep your photo so I can look at you everyday. I keep your shirt so I can pretend like you're always be there when I need you.. But, I rarely enter your room coz it hurts too much remembering why I wasnt there at the very last moment.... Somehow, I regret for not seeing it coming. Losing you is the most painful thing that ever happened.. I hate going out from the house coz Im scared I might walk pass a person who looks just like you.. Uh, I hate goodbyes. Grandpa, we will always love you.. For us, you will always be in our heart and in our thoughts...

as time goes on..

so, i had a little fun at majlis sambutan hari raya last sunday at jabatan penerangan.. Went there with alai and went back home with my baby.. Thanks baby. And, i felt like im a loner there, surrounded by groups of strangers.. And i would be lying if i tell you that they were all very friendly.. Um, attending a function where many people will gather, sucks..! But, i won a hamper. Thanks to amin for receiving it on my behalf.. And thanks to alai and awang for accompany me as i had no transport.. But most of all, thanks baby for spending the rest of the evening with me. :)