duhh

I am very very very very bored and sunyi right now.. :(

Everybody is asleep and i dont know what to do, uh.. And since tomorrow is sunday, i pretty much have nothing to do.. wait, everyday is sunday for me.. dull and boring.. im thinking about going out tomorrow.. absorbing the sunlight and stuff.. :D i havent been going out of my house since ages.. i wanna go swimming and jogging or hiking.. but as usual, im so sure i'll end up being very lazy and laying on my bed...

Ohh boyfriend~ why are you not here right now?? i need you so bad.. uh, its frustrating to be alone.. Youre probably fine with it.. But im not okay with it, okay?? ish, so alone.. so so alone... huh, i wanna skip this day..........

The moon shines tonight...

Tonight, i wont write crappy post. I just need to get this thing out of my head..

Okay, lets just start with how i became like this... First, it was only because of one tiny bone fragment.. And then, i don't know if its connected with this story.... My whole body started to ache like hell.. I cant stand up too long. I cant sit too long. I cant squat too long and i cant even lay on my bed too long.. So i pretty much cant do anything.. my bones keep making this cracking sound.. I don't know what the hell is wrong.. Even the doctors I've met didn't know what the hell is wrong with me.. In my mind, i kept thinking 'what if this thing is deadly?' i know it sounds dramatic but if you're in my position, you'll know what i feel.. On that day onward, I'm starting to be more um, paranoid and acting pretty strange. I keep doing things as if i wont still be here tomorrow.. I kiss my mom at night. i even hug her.. I cried when I'm unable to meet my boyfriend.. its not about if you cant make it next week, baby.. It was never about it.. Its about me.... What if i cant make it next week or the other week and another and another... everyday, this cracking sound gets worst, even the pain is unbearable.. and i didnt go to any appointments anymore. I needed some sort of painkiller but the doctor only gave me this multivitamins which i get everytime i went to the hospital.. that thing you called multivitamins doesnt make me okay... I just need the damn painkiller...

And i missed you, dad.....

you just cant trust them....

How would you feel if you have to face the fact that you have to see the killer's house every single day in your life and those people who wanted to help you are those who would backstabbed you the most..
Then, every single time they came, you had to fake your smile and laughter just so they dont know.

When they treated you like some kind of dolls, that they dont even like.............. uh, theres no point of saying this.. People always take advantages upon those whos having difficulties in life..


FIN

new photos

i got so bored and so i took photos of me. and i realised that its been ages since i last took a photo of myself..

baby

too bad we forgot to take photos together..