As I play with fire

I long for him.. :')

long long time.

hey guys,

so, how long has it been since i last tell you a story? sorry guys, ive been very busy with my job. and yes, speaking of my job, i met new people but i keep avoiding conversations that will lead to my background, uh..

err, i dont know what else to say. my brain stops extracting ideas for the moments.

so, bye bye..

updates.. :)

So, Aidilfitri is just around the corner. I pray so that amazing things will happen during Aidilfitri. And i got myself a job, yeah..! i was so happy when i got the mail, i even cried.. um, i also went to visit babah, and cried too.. ish, i wasnt ready. and im still not ready. i just dont think that i will ever be ready.. anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri guys..! :) enjoy your cuti while it lasts..!

....

committing is hard...

anyway, i cant sleep. theres this thing that bugs me. i dont know how clean up my mind. the only option that i thought can help me arent working. but instead, it worsen things. geez, i hate it when this feeling attacked my mood.

so, thats it. im out.

He makes me happy..

I miss my boyfriend.. :'( how i wish youre here right now, love..

aah, we were friends.. but why?

God, just tell me kenapa orang cematu masih wujud? Enough is enough..!! Bulan Ramadhan pun masih kan menyihir orang? unbelievable... I still can bear with this pain.. Sometimes i cant even believe yang im actually dalam perumuran where orang would pakai 'sihir' over me.. Menyabut 'sihir' is sickening enough.. it might sounds insane.. but thats the reality, guys..



Dearest pal,

If youre reading this, tell him (H TUD) to stop it..!! Im this close to punch him with my bare hand.. Sihir? Are you fucking kidding me?? And Im this close to humiliate him publicly..

That stupid ass biotch once mentioned, 'kalau hati ku kapir, lama sudah ia (babah) tu bebungkus uleh ku' and 'sembahyang hajat ku supaya kamu anak beranak mati accident'

Inda palui ka tu? Sembahyang hajat? aah, cemani saja, tell him to contact me.. I can help him to masuk sekulah ugama balik supaya inda buduh. It doesnt make any sense. Kalau ia luan desperate for money, tell him to sembahyang hajat minta banyakkan rezeki, bukan kan minta orang mati accident..

and then, my mom cakap 'kalau ada papa jadi arah kami, kita tah punya pasal tu ah?' and he answered 'bah, tiwasan kamu inda mau membayar'

Let me ask you this, APAKAN DIBAYAR??? DARI AWAL KAMI NADA BEUTANG..!! NADA KAMI PERNAH MINTA SATU SEN PUN DARI KAMU..!!! But then, ia keeps on bugging kami suruh bayar. And now, bila kami ignore, sihir jawapannya?? Listen, mengugut wont make kami membagi duit arah sampah masyarakat macam ia..! Ive tried my best to be inda kurang ajar..

I dont like the fact that i have to turn my back against you just because ia buat masalah and tries to hurt my family and i.. But im deeply sorry to say that, he messed up and theres nothing that you and i can do to change it. I resent him sampai bila bila. And bila ingat ia, i feel so sick that i could fill this whole world with my puke.. I hope you can understand why im being like this.. Sometimes i wonder if youve imagined what would it be like to be in my position. To lose a father, and not to mention, to live with humiliations. I know that if i humiliate him, there will be a side-effect arah kami.. Im ready for that, coz i know kamu lagi malu dari kami.. And i know that it sucks to have to do it this way. But i'd do anything to buat ia marah sampai ia sangal. But kalau ia inda pandai sangal jua, then i will keep on malukan ia..

Ramadhan..

yes, the title has it all.. so, happy fasting everyone.. :)

and...
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babah, are you here already?

photos

my bridex photos.. now is the time to shine..! i was kinda busy at that moment that i had no time to upload it. and so it vanished from my mind. how did i manage to find it? well, i was looking at this particular folder. and decided to see whats inside. and amazingly, my photos~ aaaa...

fireworks..

i wanted to see the fireworks so bad.. but then things went wrong so i (jauh ati), acted like nothing happened and had to forget about the fireworks.. you know, fireworks reminds me of babah.. now, bila raya, sunyi laa ni.. seven months have passed, but why do these feelings stay the same?

Ya Allah, its better to be poor than to lose a father.. but now, we're poor and we dont have a father.. Ramadhan is coming soon. I hope to see you, babah.. Nobody is helping us now.. I dont mind if i dont even have a penny, but i need you babah.. WHY??! Why is this happening? Im losing it right now.. Im losing my mind.. aah, this is insane.. I cant cry in front of mami and everybody.. My pride wont let me. So when im alone, i cry as hard as i can........

no title available.

i wanted to believe in lots of things.. but why is it so hard? i miss my babah... last week i went to mumong to clean up our house.. but ended up crying on pa's bed.. he should be there.. :'( sometimes i even feel him here.. he was a brave man.. it was all so sudden.. it hurts me inside.. some people even made fun of him without knowing what really happened.. have you guys ever wonder what i feel? what my mom felt? your rude comments. not cool dude, not cool.. we suffer a lot because of what you guys did.. id be lying if i told you that i never wish to hurt each and everyone of you.. nowadays, people tend too ignore us.. and yes, i do not wish to be in this state. this is fucked up...

i think about babah everynight.. and that old man, HAJI T... i enjoyed counting my hair as it fell.. i enjoyed the migrain you gave me.. you really think you can hurt me with your so-called power? youre fucking kidding me.. i really wish i could say that on your face.. but you havent call us.. and just in case youre thinking of threatening us AGAIN, i'll make you suffer.. aah, you know, speaking of power, you really did make me laugh back then.. seriously? have you had no other choice to make? i mean, you could beg like a piece of shit.. err wait, you are a piece of shit.. i want people to know you so bad.. i mean, its not fair for me that you've embarrassed my family. but youre living your life as if nothing happened. what you did, what youre doing and what you will do, will not change a thing.. i resent an asshole like you..!! but i just hope you're safe~ *grin*

Wednesday

Hello guys..

I went on a picnic with my family and my baby at Tasek Merimbun today. It was fun but i cried while crossing the bridge. Damn it..! It was so scary.. The fact that that Tasek has buaya in it made me go crazy.. ish, but thanks to my baby for being there with me.. :) I Love You Baby....

its just another celebration...

today, my family and i went on a picnic at sg liang.. my baby came too.. :)

aah, im speechless tonight.. honestly, i just wanna say 'HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BABAH..! :)' thats it..

well then, bye..!

breath of life... just breathe it out..

:)

wee, finally, new photos..

Photo

abc and 123

hello.. sorry for the long lost updates.. ive been so lazy and messed up. so i guess now is the right time for me to do something.. :)

first, anniversary, it turned out so well.. it was lovely and i dont know how to describe it.. its, MAGICAL...! :D

and its been nearly a month or two since ive got my driving license.. but since im unemployed, i just wander around sana sini ambil antar my sis and stuff.. waa, so boring.. :(

okay, enough with little updates. now its time for me to becerita.. for the past few weeks, i kept on dreaming about dad and grandpa and those whos not around anymore.. its weird and makes me upset.. hmm, if theres any way to change the dreams, i would change it to something better.. but the bad dreams also come with a small percentage of hope.. gaah, i dont know whats wrong with me.. and i usually sleep around 6 am.. i look like crap already.. i need to sleep so bad..

ohh and, i just watched korean drama secret garden.. it was magnificent.. i love it. i love it. i love it..!! i know that its so last year.. but i dont think it will ever gets old.. its not as cliche as i thought it would be.. so if you havent watch it, do it..! do it right now...! okay, now that sounds lame.. anyway, just go and watch it, okay?

aah, im so lonely right now. and its currently 04:15 am.. aah yes, did i tell you that im doing nail art lately? well, im doing nail art lately.. :) i'll upload some pictures of it later.. that is of course, ONLY if im not lazy.. so, adios amigos..!! (i dont even know if the spelling is right)

random thought

-the person who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard you are to handle. but still wants you in his life..

my friend wrote this on her page.. and its so sweet... but i wonder if that kind of love still exists... :/

Yiruma - Moonlight

guys, do listen to this masterpiece by yiruma.. i dont know if youve heard of this.. but if you havent, please please please listen to it.. you wont regret it.. and yiruma is the best guys, uwaaaa~

γιατί είναι τόσο λάθος, όταν αυτό είναι σωστό;

i cant wait for our anniversary.. :')

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on 27th May..

isnt this one of the sweetest thing youve ever heard?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSYNk0WKcsk