ohh my eins..!

As I play with fire

2011-10-29T17:53:00.001+08:00

I long for him.. :')

long long time.

2011-10-24T21:26:00.002+08:00

hey guys,

so, how long has it been since i last tell you a story? sorry guys, ive been very busy with my job. and yes, speaking of my job, i met new people but i keep avoiding conversations that will lead to my background, uh..

err, i dont know what else to say. my brain stops extracting ideas for the moments.

so, bye bye..

updates.. :)

2011-08-29T01:08:00.002+08:00

So, Aidilfitri is just around the corner. I pray so that amazing things will happen during Aidilfitri. And i got myself a job, yeah..! i was so happy when i got the mail, i even cried.. um, i also went to visit babah, and cried too.. ish, i wasnt ready. and im still not ready. i just dont think that i will ever be ready.. anyway, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri guys..! :) enjoy your cuti while it lasts..!

....

2011-08-07T02:55:00.002+08:00

committing is hard...

anyway, i cant sleep. theres this thing that bugs me. i dont know how clean up my mind. the only option that i thought can help me arent working. but instead, it worsen things. geez, i hate it when this feeling attacked my mood.

so, thats it. im out.

He makes me happy..

2011-08-04T02:53:00.003+08:00

I miss my boyfriend.. :'( how i wish youre here right now, love..

aah, we were friends.. but why?

2011-08-04T01:48:00.005+08:00

God, just tell me kenapa orang cematu masih wujud? Enough is enough..!! Bulan Ramadhan pun masih kan menyihir orang? unbelievable... I still can bear with this pain.. Sometimes i cant even believe yang im actually dalam perumuran where orang would pakai 'sihir' over me.. Menyabut 'sihir' is sickening enough.. it might sounds insane.. but thats the reality, guys..

Dearest pal,

If youre reading this, tell him (H TUD) to stop it..!! Im this close to punch him with my bare hand.. Sihir? Are you fucking kidding me?? And Im this close to humiliate him publicly..

That stupid ass biotch once mentioned, 'kalau hati ku kapir, lama sudah ia (babah) tu bebungkus uleh ku' and 'sembahyang hajat ku supaya kamu anak beranak mati accident'

Inda palui ka tu? Sembahyang hajat? aah, cemani saja, tell him to contact me.. I can help him to masuk sekulah ugama balik supaya inda buduh. It doesnt make any sense. Kalau ia luan desperate for money, tell him to sembahyang hajat minta banyakkan rezeki, bukan kan minta orang mati accident..

and then, my mom cakap 'kalau ada papa jadi arah kami, kita tah punya pasal tu ah?' and he answered 'bah, tiwasan kamu inda mau membayar'

Let me ask you this, APAKAN DIBAYAR??? DARI AWAL KAMI NADA BEUTANG..!! NADA KAMI PERNAH MINTA SATU SEN PUN DARI KAMU..!!! But then, ia keeps on bugging kami suruh bayar. And now, bila kami ignore, sihir jawapannya?? Listen, mengugut wont make kami membagi duit arah sampah masyarakat macam ia..! Ive tried my best to be inda kurang ajar..

I dont like the fact that i have to turn my back against you just because ia buat masalah and tries to hurt my family and i.. But im deeply sorry to say that, he messed up and theres nothing that you and i can do to change it. I resent him sampai bila bila. And bila ingat ia, i feel so sick that i could fill this whole world with my puke.. I hope you can understand why im being like this.. Sometimes i wonder if youve imagined what would it be like to be in my position. To lose a father, and not to mention, to live with humiliations. I know that if i humiliate him, there will be a side-effect arah kami.. Im ready for that, coz i know kamu lagi malu dari kami.. And i know that it sucks to have to do it this way. But i'd do anything to buat ia marah sampai ia sangal. But kalau ia inda pandai sangal jua, then i will keep on malukan ia..

Ramadhan..

2011-08-02T16:37:00.001+08:00

yes, the title has it all.. so, happy fasting everyone.. :)

and...
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babah, are you here already?

photos

2011-07-25T01:03:00.005+08:00

my bridex photos.. now is the time to shine..! i was kinda busy at that moment that i had no time to upload it. and so it vanished from my mind. how did i manage to find it? well, i was looking at this particular folder. and decided to see whats inside. and amazingly, my photos~ aaaa...

fireworks..

2011-07-23T23:14:00.003+08:00

i wanted to see the fireworks so bad.. but then things went wrong so i (jauh ati), acted like nothing happened and had to forget about the fireworks.. you know, fireworks reminds me of babah.. now, bila raya, sunyi laa ni.. seven months have passed, but why do these feelings stay the same?

Ya Allah, its better to be poor than to lose a father.. but now, we're poor and we dont have a father.. Ramadhan is coming soon. I hope to see you, babah.. Nobody is helping us now.. I dont mind if i dont even have a penny, but i need you babah.. WHY??! Why is this happening? Im losing it right now.. Im losing my mind.. aah, this is insane.. I cant cry in front of mami and everybody.. My pride wont let me. So when im alone, i cry as hard as i can........

no title available.

2011-07-23T00:48:00.004+08:00

i wanted to believe in lots of things.. but why is it so hard? i miss my babah... last week i went to mumong to clean up our house.. but ended up crying on pa's bed.. he should be there.. :'( sometimes i even feel him here.. he was a brave man.. it was all so sudden.. it hurts me inside.. some people even made fun of him without knowing what really happened.. have you guys ever wonder what i feel? what my mom felt? your rude comments. not cool dude, not cool.. we suffer a lot because of what you guys did.. id be lying if i told you that i never wish to hurt each and everyone of you.. nowadays, people tend too ignore us.. and yes, i do not wish to be in this state. this is fucked up...

i think about babah everynight.. and that old man, HAJI T... i enjoyed counting my hair as it fell.. i enjoyed the migrain you gave me.. you really think you can hurt me with your so-called power? youre fucking kidding me.. i really wish i could say that on your face.. but you havent call us.. and just in case youre thinking of threatening us AGAIN, i'll make you suffer.. aah, you know, speaking of power, you really did make me laugh back then.. seriously? have you had no other choice to make? i mean, you could beg like a piece of shit.. err wait, you are a piece of shit.. i want people to know you so bad.. i mean, its not fair for me that you've embarrassed my family. but youre living your life as if nothing happened. what you did, what youre doing and what you will do, will not change a thing.. i resent an asshole like you..!! but i just hope you're safe~ *grin*

Wednesday

2011-06-30T00:40:00.002+08:00

Hello guys..

I went on a picnic with my family and my baby at Tasek Merimbun today. It was fun but i cried while crossing the bridge. Damn it..! It was so scary.. The fact that that Tasek has buaya in it made me go crazy.. ish, but thanks to my baby for being there with me.. :) I Love You Baby....

its just another celebration...

2011-06-19T23:58:00.002+08:00

today, my family and i went on a picnic at sg liang.. my baby came too.. :)

aah, im speechless tonight.. honestly, i just wanna say 'HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, BABAH..! :)' thats it..

well then, bye..!

breath of life... just breathe it out..

2011-06-13T21:28:00.004+08:00

:)

2011-06-12T21:29:00.002+08:00

wee, finally, new photos..

Photo

2011-06-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

abc and 123

2011-06-08T03:50:00.006+08:00

hello.. sorry for the long lost updates.. ive been so lazy and messed up. so i guess now is the right time for me to do something.. :)

first, anniversary, it turned out so well.. it was lovely and i dont know how to describe it.. its, MAGICAL...! :D

and its been nearly a month or two since ive got my driving license.. but since im unemployed, i just wander around sana sini ambil antar my sis and stuff.. waa, so boring.. :(

okay, enough with little updates. now its time for me to becerita.. for the past few weeks, i kept on dreaming about dad and grandpa and those whos not around anymore.. its weird and makes me upset.. hmm, if theres any way to change the dreams, i would change it to something better.. but the bad dreams also come with a small percentage of hope.. gaah, i dont know whats wrong with me.. and i usually sleep around 6 am.. i look like crap already.. i need to sleep so bad..

ohh and, i just watched korean drama secret garden.. it was magnificent.. i love it. i love it. i love it..!! i know that its so last year.. but i dont think it will ever gets old.. its not as cliche as i thought it would be.. so if you havent watch it, do it..! do it right now...! okay, now that sounds lame.. anyway, just go and watch it, okay?

aah, im so lonely right now. and its currently 04:15 am.. aah yes, did i tell you that im doing nail art lately? well, im doing nail art lately.. :) i'll upload some pictures of it later.. that is of course, ONLY if im not lazy.. so, adios amigos..!! (i dont even know if the spelling is right)

random thought

2011-05-25T21:51:00.002+08:00

-the person who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, how hard you are to handle. but still wants you in his life..

my friend wrote this on her page.. and its so sweet... but i wonder if that kind of love still exists... :/

Yiruma - Moonlight

2011-05-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

guys, do listen to this masterpiece by yiruma.. i dont know if youve heard of this.. but if you havent, please please please listen to it.. you wont regret it.. and yiruma is the best guys, uwaaaa~

γιατί είναι τόσο λάθος, όταν αυτό είναι σωστό;

2011-05-14T19:08:00.002+08:00

i cant wait for our anniversary.. :')

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on 27th May..

isnt this one of the sweetest thing youve ever heard?

2011-05-14T00:45:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSYNk0WKcsk

do try to listen

2011-05-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w_zLMM0qPE&NR=1

one of the best song EVER.. trust me guys.. :)

babah

2011-05-11T01:00:00.002+08:00

babah, i passed my driving test, just like you wanted. but if only you could see me now. see mom smiling when i told her about it.. the joy she had before she mentioned about how wonderful it would be if youre still around.. i wish you could see me... see me when i get married. see me when i raise my child..

i know youre here.. but why cant i see you bah? my chest, its heavy when i think of you.. and everytime we eat outside, it feels weird with one seat empty.. YOU SHOULD BE THERE WITH US..!!

and im so so sorry that i havent visit you ever since youre not here.. its hard for me bah.. sometimes i just sit and stare blankly when i sit in your car.. and i wonder, what were you thinking one second before it all happened? i wish i could save you.... i wish i could save you.... i wish i could save you.... but i guess Allah loves you more that us..

do you know what made me like this? the unfairness..!!! we get to be like this but that old man gets to laugh and acts like nothing happens..?? i would kill him with my bare hands if its not because of mami.. but i know that mami would never forgive that piece of shit.. and so do i....

title not available.

2011-05-10T23:46:00.002+08:00

hello world..

im not feeling very well right now. my whole body hurts.. i had a tournament match on friday. it was okay and as i said on behalf of my sister, 'with a twist of emotional..' :) bruises are everywhere.. not literally.. i have 3 or 4 bruises just on my leg. and well, i had a match with two girls.. erra and fitri if im not mistaken. i know theyre not reading this so, lets just call them that, okay?

so, first, a match with erra, she won. but i feel sorry for her.. i accidentally punched her face probably so hard (according to her) but i actually didnt do it that hard.. i mean, come on, its called karate not ballet.. but anyway, she cried.. so i had to go a little easy on her. (an excuse so that i would still look cool eventhough i didnt win that round) sensei said i kinda swing my arm and it was sorta unacceptable. but what the hell. i dont really care. and erra was probably mad so she punched me at the pit of my stomach.. i had gastric as the result of the punches she threw at me.. :( and she accidentally kicked my leg. of course, i 'accidentally cussed'..

next match was with fitri.. she kicked my leg at the same spot erra did earlier. and again, of course, i cussed.. but i punched her face too.. ohh man, that was wicked.. :) aah, sorry fitri.. :) this time, i won.. my adrenaline was pumping as soon as i thought about dad.. :( i kept spinning around during the one-minute match since i got stuck at the corner of the mat. and sensei warned me to not to spin around. 3 times and im out.. so, the match was kinda funny. my mom even laughed while recording..

last but not least, i won third place.. my sis got second place.. so guys, should i upload the videos for you to see? :) nah, i kidddddd.. but i think i will upload it.. only if im not busy.

so, im out.. salam guys.. :)

aah, so cold, my body is so heavy.. mom, im sick.. :( meds... meds... i need meds....

more photos

2011-05-02T20:35:00.001+08:00

me

2011-05-02T17:48:00.002+08:00

this was taken by lil jirapah (my sis) and i cropped it since my cousin arent very happy with her part next to me. and i noticed that my mouth looks kinda not normal.. for your information, i was eating COMBOS... get it? combos guys? the very best snack ever~ waaaaa...

photomania (not really)

2011-05-02T16:30:00.002+08:00

YOU CANNOT NOT LIKE HER..!! :)

2011-05-01T00:28:00.004+08:00

my cute lil cuzzy.. :) isnt she a cutie?

the remake of twilight book cover.. :)

2011-05-01T00:13:00.002+08:00

ladybug and strawberry

2011-04-30T23:59:00.004+08:00

photos of the day...

2011-04-23T01:34:00.003+08:00

so, my adik and i had some kind of 'outing' this evening. and took lots of photos. so, these two are the photos of the day.. :) will upload more soon..

some random midnight story...

2011-04-21T01:24:00.003+08:00

hi guys.. :)

quiet night, isnt it? soo soo dull, aahhh.. anyway, i made french tip on my nails.. too bad its kinda smudgy.. sally hansen has the best nailpolish eveeeeerrr.. haha. it lasts up to 10 days.. seriously guys..

by the way, my mom wants to visit um, lets just say my mom wants to visit my dad, okay? so, yea, my mom wants to visit my dad this friday (tomorrow).. i am not excited.. :( i told my mom that im not ready to visit dad.. well, mom understands. but someday, i need to get over it.. its just that right now is not a right time for me to do that... i dont wanna end up crying hysterically.. i love my dad so much that i dont wanna face the reality.. i might come but, i dont know.. im planning on making my baby come with me if im going to visit dad tomorrow. life is so complicated.. :/ and everything we do reminds us of dad.. do you have any idea how mentally painful is that.... im not saying that its a burden, no no no.. its just hard for us to move on if each and every memories we had keep on popping in our mind.. you want an honest answer? i dont think ive accepted the fact that im an orphan.. and the old man i mentioned on my older post, i dont know why i cant forget him.. his face, that disgusting look on his face, it stucks on my head.. i shouldve seen it coming... i shouldve seen it coming... i shouldve seen it coming... I SHOULDVE SEEN IT COMING... I SHOULDVE SEEN IT COMING...!!!!!

That old bastard... old old bastard... if i were to see you again, ...........................................................
I hope youre safe, old man..

okay guys.. im done.. im officially sick after talking about that old dickface... :s

i stand my ground for babah...

2011-04-18T00:21:00.003+08:00

Salam babah..

I wonder how've you been... Im so sorry aku nada lawat babah.. 'Aku takut' is all I can say. Sometimes, aku lupa babah inda balik lagi.. I keep hearing your voice. I keep remembering the old times.. And I keep telling myself that this is REALITY.. Damn, it hurts. Honestly, I don't know why lately aku tend to avoid orang yang tend to make friends with me.. And everytime durang tanya pasal my family, I wish I can run from it.. I dont want mami to see me crying over you, babah... But I know mami feels the same way like I do.. There are so many things I wanna do with you in it.. Can I pretend like you're still around bahh? I wish to see you, sekali saja kalau bullih... I wanna tell you how much aku sayang babah...

Babah, look after me, will ya? We will always LOVE you babah...

im an alien

2011-04-18T00:16:00.004+08:00

so, hi guys.. its kinda slow today. and i dont know why i always babble when i feel so slow..

anyway, katy perry's E.T is so cool..! not like crazily cool.. for me its just wicked..!! and i love her blue purple make up in the vid. makes me wanna put on a make up... ohh, and a cover for that song is awesome.. its by Tyler Ward.. And here's the link..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ylyBq1OFaY

by the way, i dont really know what to write. so, i think this is it..

bye and salam.. :)

That seriously pisses me off...

2011-04-09T00:39:00.002+08:00

Today i went shopping with my mom and cousins aaand sisters. But thats another story.. What im about to tell you is kinda lame...? o.o

Anyway, my sis and i went to this one shop at the mall. And as usual, a salesgirl will follow you around, right? And then this one bitch, she followed us around while my sis and i go through the whole lame clothing line. After that, she went to her friends and her friends were like one step closer to us.. that bitch went on mengusut macam apa saying 'ehh, ngalih jua ku pusing pusing ani ehh..! macam kana bawa meround bah..!' That moment, i was like 'she didnt just say that..' but she did.. and not to mentioned, ia cakap basar basar.. what?? so we could hear you?? bukan atu saja, she also ketawa macam mengucap.. like, one of her friends tanya, 'yang mana satu kan?' and ia seemed to be bagi signal pakai mata pointing arah my sis.. and then kawannya said 'bah, cuba kau tunjukkan dapan dapan' lapastu, that B pose..! macam, you know that pose where you bend your body like seducing people, right? (not that aku pernah cuba) but she actually did that infront of aku and kaka ku. That was rude.. so rude that i felt like punching her boobs. (it rhymes, i know) lapastu ketawa katawa.. macam, whats your point?? kalau ganya kan show off yang diri atu murah, inda payah dapan kami, okay?

Thats the thing with teenage yang cematu yang ngam tekana kraja cematu... What the HELL people?? Seriously, we both know yang bila dapan lelaki, kamu lanji..! damn it..! she ruined my day.. So the whole time i was there, aku balik balik sindir ia.. I even said yang ia LAME..! but as usual, binibini cematu manatau malu..

Im not saying that im better than her. Im saying that im much much more better than her.. Just kidding guys.. :D BUT YOU KNOW ITS TRUE.....!!

To the girl, if you happened to read this.. Well, i wanna say few things to you..

Dear girl,

I am offended with what you did to us this evening.. I didnt come to your place of work just to see you bitch around. And if you really wanted to bitch around, then bitch somewhere else where I cant see you.. In your room, perhaps? Or in the toilet? Kitchen? Garage? Storage area? Wastage area? (okay, knock it off..!) And take off that lame bandana.. That thing is so 20 years ago.. Wait, lets just make it 10 years ago.. Honestly, I feel sorry for you. I was once a salesgirl, so, i understand youre frustration.. So listen to me, when some people dont wanna purchase anything from your store, dont take it out on innocent people like me.. If youre fed up with it, then quit your job and get a real life, okay? If you still wanna work there but too lazy to follow around when there are customers, cut your legs off.. I'd be happy to do it for you. anyway, i dont wanna babble too much.. So, i just hope youre safe.. And if you tend to hate my words, Ive got a much better one for you.. Eat up all the things Ive said to you so that you know whats good and bad for you.. Keep it in your mind, kid..!

So, thats all for tonight.. Salam guys and love ya.. (NOT)

yea, and im like WOW....

2011-04-06T23:39:00.002+08:00

So, this is going to be some random rants. or not.. but anyways, sometimes i feel like making a vlog.. but i totally think that its NOT a very good idea.

recently, ive been kinda bad. well, not badly bad.. but like, bad. you know what i mean? so, theres this video of someone doing something that some people doesnt, (or dont?) like. and of course, thats how i got the idea for being bad.... (?) is my english right? okay, this is awkward.. um, so, after watching this vid, i was like 'this person is f*cked up..!' i instantly hate this person and i wrote a comment. after a while, my comment became one of the top comment.. so, another person wrote a comment telling those who hates this person to back of and to leave this person alone.. ironic, i know.. and i replied that person's comment. we were kinda like fighting and then maybe that person accidentally replied it to a wrong person.. so i stopped... and then i saw another video of the f*cked up person.. and this time i was like 'whadda hell??' and i wrote another comment.. honestly, i feel sorry for this person.. but i hate it... i hate this person so much that now, i dont feel sorry for this person... soooo, is it bad for me to hate this person if this person is so annoying. and what this person said in all of the videos are annoyingly irritating..... do you know what i mean guys?

and last few days, i was sent to the emergency after i passed out at my work.. err place of work? i dont know guys.. im kinda lost these days.. that explains why im being hyper for no reason and also lost for words.. also for no reason at all. gosh, i think i better stop.. eventhough i dont feel like stopping. argh... i cant stop... okay, i'll stop now.. in 3... 2... 1... Bye and Salam.....

tick tock tick tock

2011-04-05T14:37:00.000+08:00

Today is so friggin slow.. The business is slow. The people are slow. I am slow... So boring.. I desperately need my baby.. :'( baby, i need you.. I need you so bad.. Aah, boredom~

At times like this, id be sleeping inside my sleeping bag. Ive been yawning for way too many times that now i dont know how to close my mouth.

Home, home, home.. Uh, batah ehh..!

testing testing 123 ABC

2011-03-31T14:38:00.002+08:00

If you read this, i wanna let you know that i come in peace and take me to your leader...!!

I am posting this post via handphone. So, im posting via handphone. *awkward* If you happened to read this, then, youre reading this, um, okay, bye..

Sometimes, life is just, painful....

2011-03-24T23:45:00.003+08:00

An uncle who is a backstabber.. Relatives who are pretty much the same.. And an old man who is a murderer.. That's pretty much it. Dont you think life would be AWESOME without these kinds of people.. A pain in the ass, thats who they are.. One thing they have in common is that they are obsessed with money..

I must admit, i want them to be extinct from the surface of this earth..! I just want them to stop taking advantages from us.. What?? You think we're that stupid now that we dont have a father?? Fuck you..! Seriously, just fuck off..! You jerks make us hate you...

Kalau banar banar mau kaya, pakai jalan lurus.. Inda payah kan maakan harta anak yatim.. Guess what?? satu sen pun inda kami kan halalkan.. Cakap bukan main, kesiankan kami anak beranak laaa. Tapi, action yang kamu buat, contradicting..! Please laa. Kami inda mau putuskan hubungan silaturahim since tani saudara.. Tapi, if kami kan buat cematu jua, cuba kamu pikir, salah siapa tu?? Salah kamu waa.. salah kamu..!!!!!! Sadang sadang kan buduh ani baa.. Pintar lagi anak damit.. Thats the problem, as kamu makin tua, makin jahil.. makin babal.. Do you think idup kamu bahagia lapas makan harta orang? well, you might be kaya, but trust me, sesaat pun inda kamu kan bahagia tu..!!

I kinda feel lonely tonight...

2011-03-23T04:46:00.002+08:00

And I miss you, baby~ Im supposed to be sleeping right now.. plus, im tired after long hours of training buuuuuuut, i just cant sleep.. :(

new photo..

2011-03-23T04:12:00.002+08:00

err horrey? anyway, here it is...

ohh man, i actually think im getting fat and flaps..

IMPORTANT NOTE...

2011-03-20T15:08:00.003+08:00

Hey guys.. So, I just wanna let you know that my lil sister who is known for her amazing work with photography and editing and stuff (not really :p) well, she has a blog specifically for all the work she made. And make sure you check it out.. I'll put the link below..

http://najihajhs.blogspot.com/

If you really like her work, then, tell her to thank me. HAHA..

The Migraine.

2011-03-19T01:25:00.002+08:00

Crap, Im having a migraine again today. It just makes you wanna take out your brain and wash it with cold water. And because of that, I've been sleeping nearly for 24 hours. Is my english right? Thats the thing, when im having a migraine, i cant do things right. My hands are shaking and i keep sweating. Wow, it rhymes. Anyway, Im done. Bye..

Actually Im not done..

Last night, my baby and I watched LOTR trilogy and we kinda get sleepy after nearly 2 hours sitting and staring at the screen. My eyes got tired and my arse was numb. And I LOVE YOU, BABY~

And mus wanted to come over this evening but i had to cancel it because of this migraine. Sorry mus. fyi, i took a sleeping pill to ease the pain so i change my mind about wanting to go to the hospital for a checkup.

Now Im officially done. Salam guys.

WOW

2011-03-18T01:01:00.003+08:00

okay, this is not really a 'wow moment'.. But, i kinda feel like improving my blog.. so, i added the blog's stat thingy and honestly, i am kinda excited to see that my blog has been seen for more than 600 times even though 80% of it was me.

La mia confessione

2011-03-07T01:08:00.002+08:00

Ciao amico .. Mi dispiace dirtelo ma per qualche motivo, non mi piace la vostra famiglia per quello che tuo nonno ha fatto per la mia famiglia. È buffo se ci penso .. Come vorrei poter tornare indietro nel tempo e finire tutto prima ancora di iniziare ... Va bene allora, io sono così fatto ..

Io so che le cose cambieranno dopo questo. ma bisogna ammettere, si farà la stessa cosa se fossi in me ...

crap..

2011-03-07T01:02:00.002+08:00

ive changed my post's fonts several days ago but i dont know why it changes to normal fonts back. uh, ive refreshed the page for like, hundreds time but the result is still the same..

gravity helped.

2011-03-05T01:40:00.003+08:00

I had migraine today. It was super duper painful. It felt like my head is going to blow, uh.. I didnt have any meds so i spent the whole day sleeping. And then, i fell from my bed so hard that my head hit the floor like 'BANG...!!!' And amazingly, ive recovered from my migraine..

Okay okay, i lied.. I didnt fall nor recovered from migraine. Actually, im still having a severe migraine.. I can hardly see and move. Damnit..!

awkward

2011-03-02T01:13:00.003+08:00

I think about lots of things when i take a shower.. I asked people, how many balloons does it take to make a human fly? But then i realised that i am surrounded by modern tech, i could just google it.. So i did, it takes up to 5000 to 6000 balloons to lift a human. That is of course, the balloon must be filled with helium.

I also googled why lizards poo has a white tip at the end of it. so the white tip is a form of urea. And lizard has only one hole to excrete wastage. Cool eh?

updates

2011-03-02T00:32:00.003+08:00

i just activated my youtube account. yayy for me? well, its for the sake of commenting and liking videos. and also subscribing.. :D so its currently filled with '0 uploads' and '1 favorites'. i wont be uploading any videos right now nor later. if i have guts, i probably would. but then, what videos would i make, duhh..

woosh~ im so cold and still have a flu. sob sob.. i also realized that posting something on my blog is fuuuun although no one reads it.. aah, i need to do something useful with my life, seriously..

Sangyou beri matchi

2011-03-01T01:36:00.004+08:00

Baby, thanks for accompanying me last night. And also for hanging out with me today. I had fun :) but too bad i wasnt feeling very well. The electricity was down this morning so i had to take a shower with cold water, no, icy water. it was so cold that now, i can barely talk properly since i have a flu. And my stomach aches a lot today but absolutely not because of number 2.. Ohh crap, my feet are numb right now.. :s

Okay, enough with the updates. I need to get some sleep now..

Bye~

duhh

2011-02-27T01:25:00.003+08:00

I am very very very very bored and sunyi right now.. :(

Everybody is asleep and i dont know what to do, uh.. And since tomorrow is sunday, i pretty much have nothing to do.. wait, everyday is sunday for me.. dull and boring.. im thinking about going out tomorrow.. absorbing the sunlight and stuff.. :D i havent been going out of my house since ages.. i wanna go swimming and jogging or hiking.. but as usual, im so sure i'll end up being very lazy and laying on my bed...

Ohh boyfriend~ why are you not here right now?? i need you so bad.. uh, its frustrating to be alone.. Youre probably fine with it.. But im not okay with it, okay?? ish, so alone.. so so alone... huh, i wanna skip this day..........

The moon shines tonight...

2011-02-26T03:45:00.003+08:00

Tonight, i wont write crappy post. I just need to get this thing out of my head..

Okay, lets just start with how i became like this... First, it was only because of one tiny bone fragment.. And then, i don't know if its connected with this story.... My whole body started to ache like hell.. I cant stand up too long. I cant sit too long. I cant squat too long and i cant even lay on my bed too long.. So i pretty much cant do anything.. my bones keep making this cracking sound.. I don't know what the hell is wrong.. Even the doctors I've met didn't know what the hell is wrong with me.. In my mind, i kept thinking 'what if this thing is deadly?' i know it sounds dramatic but if you're in my position, you'll know what i feel.. On that day onward, I'm starting to be more um, paranoid and acting pretty strange. I keep doing things as if i wont still be here tomorrow.. I kiss my mom at night. i even hug her.. I cried when I'm unable to meet my boyfriend.. its not about if you cant make it next week, baby.. It was never about it.. Its about me.... What if i cant make it next week or the other week and another and another... everyday, this cracking sound gets worst, even the pain is unbearable.. and i didnt go to any appointments anymore. I needed some sort of painkiller but the doctor only gave me this multivitamins which i get everytime i went to the hospital.. that thing you called multivitamins doesnt make me okay... I just need the damn painkiller...

And i missed you, dad.....

you just cant trust them....

2011-02-23T02:13:00.002+08:00

How would you feel if you have to face the fact that you have to see the killer's house every single day in your life and those people who wanted to help you are those who would backstabbed you the most..
Then, every single time they came, you had to fake your smile and laughter just so they dont know.

When they treated you like some kind of dolls, that they dont even like.............. uh, theres no point of saying this.. People always take advantages upon those whos having difficulties in life..

FIN

new photos

2011-02-21T02:52:00.003+08:00

i got so bored and so i took photos of me. and i realised that its been ages since i last took a photo of myself..

baby

2011-02-20T00:10:00.001+08:00

too bad we forgot to take photos together..

18.02.2011

2011-02-19T23:52:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY~

with love, nuramira.. :)

TASTE ME, DRINK MY SOUL.....

2011-02-15T03:31:00.002+08:00

Aaah, the connection is so friggin lagg right now. And i seriously hate it when it happens..

Anyway, just a quick update, im excited about my baby's birthday on 18th. Aaaand, im going to have a driving license soon.. :)

The truth behind everything...

2011-02-10T02:02:00.002+08:00

So I spoke to my mom about makan 100.. I suggested for it to be held here instead of di KB.. But my mom barat hati kan decide.. She doesnt want orang kampung to humiliate us. And she mention about the retarded old man.. IF jadi disini, we're gonna have to jemput orang masjid and, not to mention the old man is one of orang masjid. We personally INDA MAU ia datang. But kalau orang lain tau pasal atu, we'd leave a bad image.. Uh, payah payah..

Macam, our life disini is like in a trap.. Bila bila masa bulih ancur.. Ohh mom, I wish I can get us outta here. Kan keluar rumah pun kami dua tiga kali pikir..

아아 .. 이건 정말 아파 ... 우리는 고립된 느낌이 ..

엄마, 난 당신이 당황하거나 화를 싶지 않아 .. 다 이유가있어서 일어난다 .. 우리는 천 가지 이유로 살 .. 뭐라고 아빠, 그는 안전한 우리에게 그것을 한 .. 제가 미친 걸 알아요 ..백만 년 처음에 나는 그가 실제로 그렇게 할 것이라고 생각합니다. 모든게 너무 재미있어 보였 ... 그리고 .......

난 변했어 .. 자, 난 혼자 있고 무서워요 .. 난 혼자라는 느낌이 싫어. 자, 모두 너무 무뎌 ..........

sunday baby

2011-02-08T11:13:00.004+08:00

So, last sunday, i spent most of the day with my baby.. And being his "ikong" masa ia mesin rumput is pretty tiring.. And i took photos of him bekeraja which he forbids me from displaying it here.. But i wanna at least post 1 photo, so this is it..

I LOVE YOU BABY..!

Old bitch gone wild..

2011-01-27T18:06:00.001+08:00

And so the title says it all. The old man from my previous post went nuts about money, calling and threatening us like a mother'F'ing bitch..!

Yea, ia cakap kan sembayang hajat supaya kami anak beranak mati accident.. Well, listen FUCKER, daripada kau minta hajat cematu, baik pulang kau minta supaya lakas kaya, inda jua kau macam urang sial cari duit. And ya cakap yang babah datang dalam mimpinya suruh ia minta duit arah kami.. And I was like 'HAHA, KAN MATI BUNYINYA..!!' how about this, AKU MIMPI BABAH BALIK, ADA YA BALIKKK??!!! Urang tua CELAKA..!! SADANG SADANG tah kau kan mengacau kami, banartah.. JANGAN BUAT THINGS JADI WORST..! You wont like it, caya tah..

Kau becakap pasal syurga neraka, ADA KAU PIKIR APA DUSANYA MENDUAKAN TUHAN?? sampai kau bawa durang anak mu mencari mama ku.. KENAPA?? Inda kau tekabir kan menguruskan sendiri?? Now kau probably sadar yang kau tua sudah, and inda mampu kan datang sini sendiri, becakap sendiri dapan dapan.. Sudah kami highlight salah mu, gagap gagap kau menjawab, sial..!!

Yang paling PALUI, ia suruh kami bagi ya duit as soon as kami ada duit.. HELLO, we've been starving for nearly 2 months.. Kau pun tau.. Tapi, since hati mu lagi hina dari hati binatang, i didnt expect kau kan merati. Babal kau aa..

Did I mention yang everytime kau call, aku dapat rasa this rotten taste in my mouth.. And then aku realise, its you, kau yang buaat aku rasa cematu.. You, rotten dog shit..! youre that disgusting..

THIS TIME, i'll make kau nangis darah, melutut, minta maaf arah mami ku....

YOU, yea YOU, tell him to just SHUT THE FUCK UP.. We both know who you are, whos your family.. Dont tell me kau indakan bagitau ia just because kau kan jaga atinya.. I'd be laughing my ass off kalau atu jawapan mu. I have to jaga ati mami ku yang urang tua atu sakitkan.. Nah, bandingkan tia..

Everyday, I have to fight with the fact yang ati kami pun ikut sakit ulehnya. I have to pretend like everythings okay just so my mom bulih senyum.. And the hardest part is that i have to AVOID every conversation yang ada kana mengana pasal duit when the truth is that kami satu sen pun nada.. Happy kau ka meliat kami cematu, ohh right, kau rotten shit jua, pfft, as if kau ada perasaan..

Uh, banar... No matter berapa post pun ku buat, sampai bila bila pun inda ku kan puas ati.. I personally mau liat kau rasa apa babah rasa before everything happened..

Mudahan jua, all the bad things kau doakan kami atu, tebalik arah mu. Tau tah kau apa rasanya...!!

Day by day, every fault kau buat, I'll reveal bit by bit pasal kau.. I dont care about anything.. Bukan ku inda tau kau siapa. Semua jua orang kenal kau disini ni.. Beside, kami nada papa kan dirugikan.. semua tu salah mu.. Lapastu, I'll enjoy meliat idup mu ancur with hummiliation.. sama macam kau enjoy meliat idup kami nada babah..

It is meant to be...

2011-01-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

The pressure makes us stronger.

The struggle makes us hunger.

The hard lessons make a difference, and the difference makes it worth it....

What I missed the most

2011-01-16T05:23:00.005+08:00

My Baby~

and my monkeys..

love letter

2011-01-16T05:04:00.001+08:00

shed a tear and sing for me

2011-01-16T03:51:00.005+08:00

I gotta say, its good when we have someone whos willing to listen to every word we say.. Then again, those kind of people, they're very hard to find.. SERIOUSLY..!

and when it rains......

2011-01-11T03:26:00.002+08:00

I used to like it when its raining during the day.. It gave me this warmness.. Now, when it rains during the day, i feel sick.. As if the dark sky would crush me..

...
...
...
...
...

I miss you, babah..

If youre here, I would ask you,

how are you bahh?

hows your day?

are you feeling well right now?

do you miss kami?

...
...
...
...

where are you now?

...
...
...

where are you now?

...
...
...

where are you now?

...
...
...

our life masani, not as great as before. now, sorang sorang kecarian..

...
...
...

Im sorry aku nada lawat babah.. Its not that I dont want to. Im just not ready. I dont wanna cry bila disana. I know you would be upset too if I cry... Next time, InsyaAllah, aku baca yaasin untuk babah.. One day, when im ready to face the world...

I still wonder,why do I feel this way.. Forgive me for all my sins arah babah.. I know I wasnt an excellent daughter.. Im not saying that I am, now.. But I feel like I am improving..

I never had a chance to know you well, and you never had a chance to know me well.. But I know youre a good father..

Now, sudah 1 month and 2 days since you were gone...

WE LOVE YOU, BABAH..

I think Im ready now....

2010-12-29T02:51:00.004+08:00

Okay, my dad just passed away few weeks ago. And my life is going nowhere from that moment..

Macam, the day before he left, ya punya bday.. and then, the next day, tau tau ya nada lagi.. Ironic? I know.. Eventhough I never had a chance to know him better, hes still my dad. To be called anak yatim, um, im not ready for that. probably sampai bila bila pun aku kan inda ready. he's just gone for now.. but ia tah babah dunia akhirat ku.. even now, i still menangis bila tekanangkan babah.. And yes, I DO MISS HIM.. :'(

The damn thing about it is that orang buat fitnah.. atu laa, ani laa. Banar, caranya end everything tu inda smart but takdir sudah cematu. So, FUCK YOU ALL YANG AIBKAN BABAH.. ESPECIALLY THIS ORANG TUA.. Mati tah kau sama harta mu and kepercayaan mu yang shirik aa.. I dont care kau siapa.. Makin awal kau inda benafas, makin bahagia idup kami.. Because of you, idup kami sial.. but remember, kalau masa ani pun kau kan mengacau kami, i'll make your life much more sial dari kami punya life. not just yours, but keturunan mu.. bukannya aku na tau family tree mu..

Babah buat cemani supaya kau inda mengacau kami lagi, but you insisted kan balas dendam sedangkan atu bukan salah babah. kalau kau inda pikir pakai kepala ***** mu, inda kami kan cemani.. ani, kau blame kami and not to mention, anak anak mu yang tau atu salah mu pun memajal kan salahkan babah. my theory, durang defend kau supaya salahnya arah babah saja. banar, inda semua orang tau yang atu salah mu jua. but family ku, family mu and tuhan tau.. inda payah pura pura innocent macam babi kan kana salai. kau becakap pasal hukum agama, tapi kau pecaya arah barang shirik.. camana kan tu? in my whole life, inda ku pernah tejumpa aji yang bloody stupid macam kau..!! even masa babah alum bekubur pun kau kan beulah.. puas ati mu ya nada?? urang tua SIAL..!! mengaga tah kau kerumah, kalau kau buat kacau, I'll make sure kau dapat apa yang kau deserve and im tellin you, it wont be money..!! kau ugut mami ku kan buat ani laa, atu laa.. tapi satu pun nada kau buat.. cakap bukan main macam apa. tapi buat, nada..!! and kalau kau buat pun, kau pun terima tempiasnya tu.. caya tah..

kau cakap kau kesian kan kami.. please, kami seumur idup pun inda pernah minta simpati dari urang gila harta macam kau.. kalau banar pun kau kesiankan kami, inda kau kan betindak macam urang palui wa..

i just wanna make things right.. tapi kau masih kan buat cara mu as if ani a game.. well let me tell you, if this is a game game, i'll make sure im in the lead. inda ku kan biar mamiku terima semua beban. macam, i really dont get it.. kau tua sudah, but masih pikiran macam kanak kanak.. ohh wait, salah.. pikiran macam antah apa.. sedangkan kanak kanak lagi tau bezakan mana lurus mana salah. ani kan kau yang umur setangah abad.. rasa guilty sikit pun nada wa arah kau aa. pasal kau aku and peradian ku ilang babah. pasal kau, mami ku ilang suami.. inda ku tau ati mu ni ati apa.. and kau mention, pasal kalau ati mu kapir, babah lama sudah nada.. so youre saying atimu ati slam?? HAHAHA..!! inda payah tah kan bawa bawa islam kalau tau kau salah. bari malu diri saja. Hipokrit and ego.. yatah ulah mu....

of all orang yang mengaib kan babah, kau yang paling ku gigitan wa. eeeeee, macam ringan rasa tangan sama kaki ku everytime pikir pasal dosa mu arah babah..

okay okay, nanti lagi menyialkan ia.. ani, pasal orang di fb.. namanya Danysh shii budak noty kali kalau ku inda salah.. ani another anak inda kana didik ni.. ia mengucap babah macam, hahh, gila kali, kurang ajar banar la.. ya cakap babah buat catu supaya kana puji.. inda buduh dari mana tu?? kalau ya minta puji, idup wa babah masih time ani.. kau kali capi capi kan cakap cematu supaya kana puji.. ehh wang, mun rasanya kau atu cool, jumpa kami, cakap dapan dapan, inda payah dari fb macam urang kulup..! kau pun nanti mati jua tu, inda tau cana caranya.. tapi youre not in a bloody position kan judge babah.. kau inda tau cerita sebenar, so diam saja. sumbat mulut tu kai ***** mu..

to orang fb yang pernah mengucap babah, FUCK YOU ASSWHORE..! kamu buat fitnah pasal utangnya.. menipu jua kalau kamu inda pernah beutang.. and ada yang mention 'urang bsp tah banar'.. dang, saudara mu ada kali aa kraja bsp.. inda payah tah luan kambang sampai cakap catu.. nada orang kan puji tu, banar.. inda payah tunjuk kancang dalam fb.. mun ganya statement atu keluar dari hasil mu pikir pakai fake boobs mu atu, jangan tah kan capi capi sana..

orang tua tuanya yang buat fitnah atu jua, start tah pikir lurus lurus.. jangan tah kan dangar buah mulut urang saja. kamu bukan ada sana darinya meninggal sampai kana kuburkan.. jadi, diam tah saja aa.. mun luan gian kan begossip, ucap tah among yourselves.. imagine tah mun kamu kana tinggal laki, sandinya inda dapat dibandingkan sama apa yang kami alami tu.. kamu tau cakap saja.. kamu bukan merasa apa yang kami rasa. lapas mengucap, puas tah ati kamu tu.. sampai punduk punduk jua kamu kan buat fintah macam urang palui.. baie wa cara kamu menyebarkan buah mulut aa..

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ani, i wanna say thanks for those yang actually care.. yang support aku and my family throughout the weeks..

ultimate DAMNation

2010-12-05T21:53:00.001+08:00

You know, in my life, i never know what i want. But when i do know, i can never have it. And i ended up giving up all my dreams for something i thought would be worth every sacrifices i made. Ironic isn't it.. And imagine, i have to live like this for the rest of my perfect little life..

oh my...

2010-11-27T08:38:00.002+08:00

This morning sucks.. In some way, it does. I cant seem to focus my mind in a single thing. All i can think of is um, nothing.. Man, i dont like starting my day with a wrong decision.. Im planning on applying a new license but, pegawai nya nadaaaaa... So, tegendala lagi. Ishh, everytime im here, (i meant EVERYTIME..!) selalu saja pegawainya not around.

Btw, im looking forward for tonight.. Nights-out with my baby. Yeaaa..! Its been sooo long, no, wait, wayyyy too long since i last had a lovely evening.. :)

And aku ngantuk, a nap would be perfect.. Too bad im in no position to sleep right now, ishh..

Ehh awu, baby, tani 1 year and six months arini.. :) :) :)

If I could turn back time.....

2010-10-11T23:55:00.003+08:00

I would.... I really would, so I can fix that one and only tiny problem.. Its not my place to judge your personality. But i know that if I were you, I would've done the same thing.. So, seriously, forgive me?

8th October 2010

2010-10-11T23:48:00.003+08:00

I would like to thank my baby for celebrating my birthday with me. Eventhough it was dawn masa atu. I never had a chance to tell you how much I appreciate you being there with me.

And thanks to those yang balikan cakes.. :)

Things happen for a reason

2010-10-11T23:40:00.005+08:00

' "am i going to die?" i asked. "no, not just yet.." said the doctor.'

:)

2010-10-08T00:08:00.004+08:00

Today is my birthday.. Im half happy and half emotionless..

Current date, 8th October, 2010..
Current time, 12:09 AM.
Curent location, home with my baby.

I feel alone since my baby is asleep. And i dont know what to tell you guys. I've run out of topics and ideas, badly..! 4 more days lagi genap 2 years since my late grandpa, Haji Suhaili Bin Pulong left us. He was a great man. Very supportive and very loving.

Grandpa, i miss you. Not that kami inda reda with what happened.. Its just that, things has been so different. For nearly 2 years, our heart feel so empty. I was frustrated until I met my baby. How I wish I can tell you all about him. He is a very awesome guy. He make me feel complete in a male female relationship. I've change because of him. A good thing though. Its hard living on my own. So I wish to marry him by next year of course.. And I made a promise to spent my wages in a good way so I can use my own money for my wedding. And I shall not break it. Life without you is like living in a house that had been cut into many pieces. I know death is inevietable, but pretending like you're here makes me feel alright. Everynight, I cry to my sleep thinking if anything would go wrong. Thinking if I would still be with my family tomorrow. I remember how you used to accompany me every morning waiting for the school bus. I never had a chance to say thank you.. So, Thank You grandpa. I thank you for taking care of us. For making things right when they're wrong.. Ohh man I cant seem to stop these tears from falling.. I keep your photo so I can look at you everyday. I keep your shirt so I can pretend like you're always be there when I need you.. But, I rarely enter your room coz it hurts too much remembering why I wasnt there at the very last moment.... Somehow, I regret for not seeing it coming. Losing you is the most painful thing that ever happened.. I hate going out from the house coz Im scared I might walk pass a person who looks just like you.. Uh, I hate goodbyes. Grandpa, we will always love you.. For us, you will always be in our heart and in our thoughts...

as time goes on..

2010-10-06T01:41:00.002+08:00

so, i had a little fun at majlis sambutan hari raya last sunday at jabatan penerangan.. Went there with alai and went back home with my baby.. Thanks baby. And, i felt like im a loner there, surrounded by groups of strangers.. And i would be lying if i tell you that they were all very friendly.. Um, attending a function where many people will gather, sucks..! But, i won a hamper. Thanks to amin for receiving it on my behalf.. And thanks to alai and awang for accompany me as i had no transport.. But most of all, thanks baby for spending the rest of the evening with me. :)

photos - baby cousin

2010-09-16T17:36:00.004+08:00

havent post a single photo for a while. so enjoy..! :)

I, um, have no idea....

2010-09-07T23:37:00.002+08:00

As usual, my boring story and i.. im thinking about closing this account.. I,ve been staying in this 'cave' for almost um, 2 years, i guess... And there's this feeling, the feeling of i dont know.. i just feel like staying away from any social networking sites..

anyway, will update soon if im not lazy..

Well, this is life.....

2010-07-14T15:20:00.004+08:00

I've read a book called ASH by Malinda Lo. It was a super duper amazing experience..! It's about magic and reality. Not probably your thing. But for me, it gave me this warm feelings when i read it. Okay, it might sounds as if im exaggerating..

Anyway, Im feeling old and lame since i havent been out of my home since forever.

I miss my baby the most.. aah, what a boring evening.. And its sunny. I prefer raining actually..

i am so back for a moment

2010-06-18T02:03:00.002+08:00

Hi again.. And as you can see, Im back, but maybe just for this short period of time.. I feel like spilling something from this brain of mine. ohh kulut english ku ehh..

First, goodnight and sweetdreams baby.. LOVE YA..! :)

Second, thanks to mus, faiz and mubin for comin ari atu.. i had good times with you guys, mengumpat..!

Anyway, aku baru liat fb a bunch of kids dari fb my sis.. each of them has 'unique' style and way of living... And, nada kan ditekajutkan, durang ani kan becinta luan luan saja. and and ada lagi laki laki ani, crave ia punya wrist buat nama so-called girlfriend nya.. lame much?? mun kan tunjukkan diri atu kononnya sayang kan girlfrien atu, inda jua payah cematu.. capi capi tu baa namanya. trust me, EMO DOESN'T EXIST, KID..!

Last time, kami faiz cerita pasal couple show off gambar durang kissing ani bah.. Profile picture... Again, inda jua payah show off cematu.. even if you guys mau tunjuk yang kamu sweet, loving couple, gambar senyum sama sama pun bulih juaaaa.. inda kan? rasa jua kan tunjuk liar tu ohh? :) if you're that horny, get a room..! macam bitch wa tu cematu tu, am i right?? wait, im always right..

and ada lagi, someone yang ku selalu tejumpa, bukan kenal. gambar arah fbnya ani, gambarnya holding alcoholic drinks.. boo hoo. calaaaa..! everybody can do that, arsehole..! mau tunjuk diri berani minum barang cematu? no need laa. buat malu saja tuuu.. banar..!

extra note: i do have a life. dont think i dont have one just because aku highlight sikap kamu yang um macam antah apa ni.. And for those yang berkenaan, now you know how I feel masa kamu interupt my life.. masa kamu macam bitch kan kacau idup orang saja....

-THE END-

The next journey

2010-06-03T11:28:00.002+08:00

Made Kad Buruh yesterday. yang tinggal, cari kraja saja lagi..

Edited a photo. Inspired by Hassansins from Prince of Persia. Eventhough inda sama. But I just got the idea dari movie atu. duhh, sekadar.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY

2010-05-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

Yeah. the moment I've been waiting for.. thanks for the treat baby and for the necklace.. its pretty. thank you thank you thank you sooooo muchhhh...! I love you. and what i wrote on my book about the next anniversary, i mean it.. :)

just because

2010-05-02T23:30:00.002+08:00

i feel umm, nothing. maybe the medicine has done its job. making me feel so damn sleepy that i hallucinate everytime im trying to fight the feeling off. unicorn, rainbow, edward cullen, you name it babe, they were in front of me a minute ago.. ohh wait, they're still here. ohh man, i need to sleep..

mmkayzZz zZz zZz krooh krooh krooh.. *drools*

dawn dudu

2010-05-02T04:46:00.002+08:00

aah, another morning with insomnia and boredom.

okay, my mind is pretty empty right now. i dont know what to do other than sitting like someone mad listening to a song that has been repeated for more than gazzilion times.

well, i've watched iron man 2 with my baby. woo hoo..! siiiuk..! and, aku mau liat ip man 2 lagi. like, badly.. tapi inda tau bila, uh.. by the way, thanks for the lunch and movie baby.. :)

hoho, weekend SUCKS..! ohh wait, everyday is weekend for me. duhh.. cerita di astro pun buring. gosh.. i cant think of anything better to do. liat youtube, dangar lagu, update blog.. ohh by the way, i wanna change my blog's layout. i mean, just the color. but again, i dont know which color to put on. but absolutely NO yellow. bida..!

umm, apa lagi? ohh ohh. aku mau keyboard. and my pa said that i havent fininshed any guitar lesson yet but ada hati kan cuba instrument lain... i mean, i dont like to memorize chords. its like memorizing maths formulas. puuhhless. so not into it.. its just that lately ive been listening to soft songs. it inspires me to play piano. but, ive been thinking pulang.. piano inda banyak function. so, conclusionnya, keyboard is better.. but i dont think i will get one masani.

mm, i think thats it. mau try to sleep dulu kay?

i love twilight and im lame

2010-04-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

i've just watched the twilight saga:new moon yesterday. i know, ketinggalan. aku miss liat arah movie aruatuuuuu. but anyway, i love twilight but not that desperate. i mean, how i wish my role and my life in this world would be as sweet as bella's and edwards's. hoho. the surrounding. the sorrow and magical place. hooyeah.. i do believe in fairy tales.

aku suka, aku suka, aku suka. some of you must be wondering how lame can i be... well guys, this is my life and this medicine is already taking control of my soul. aku mengantuk and i cant get over the fact that vampires dont exist.. nonsense..! bah, tidur dulu. taaaaa..

that's freaking rude, woman..!

2010-04-30T22:18:00.003+08:00

okay, last tuesday i went to the hospital. bahagian emergency since atu patang sudah. and, aku batuk aaand selesma. so i kinda need ubat. i waited about 5 minutes sampai kana panggil kedalam and then bla bla bla. kana suruh tunggu arah tampat corner dakat bilik doctor aa. then, tunggu lagi.. batah like fuck..! padahal time atu aku and my niece saja yang kan becheck. decades lapastu barutah datang doctor binibini indian anii. and im not trying to be some kind of racist. so, sambung balik.. um,and now, barutah turn ku. so, aku bagitau laa yang i have a flu and batuk sama having difficulties breathing since idungku tesumbat. lapastu ya check check macam urang malas. then bagi list ubat. so aku tanya cemani 'um, ani include ubat supaya inda tesumbat idung ka ni?' then, macam urang buduh ya menjawab 'i already give you the syrup, thats enough!!' and i was like, 'shit, kasar betina ani menjawab!!' okay, so doctor, i dont have guts kan cakap in front of your face masa atu. probably because i wasnt felling very weel. and im sick enough meliat muka mu. aku takut muntah dapan kau saja. sooooo, i just want you to know that, it would be my pleasure to go to other hospital if kau malas macam baie sudah kan layan pesakit. mmkay? you couldve said that kau malas. just dont treat us, the commoners macam urang minta sedakah okay??!! im sick at a point where im about to go BOOM sudah.. so i dont need you to make it worst.. kay?

dulu pun pernah ku becheck and tekana kau. you were rude jua at that time. and dont think youre good enough to be part of the brunei people. segala kesusahan mu ya jua kana tanggung uleh brunei govn. so dont try to act like martabat mu tinggi dari kami..

ohh, shit.. sorry for my rudeness, sorry for my words and everthing. tapi, i just cant stand it okay..

Happy birthday, lil sis.

2010-04-28T13:16:00.002+08:00

i know this is common. but im sorry pasal nada hadiah. anyway, happy birthday..

aand, ani gambar lama. sama aku bida. hoooo.

Happy 11 Monthsary Baby~

2010-04-28T13:09:00.003+08:00

Hoorey..! thanks for spending you time with me yesterday. eventhough tani dinner saja. but i still rasa as if we were celebrating it. :) I love you..

perhaps

2010-04-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

Everything on the net are getting more and more complicated. Its annoying and maybe, im going to shut everything down.. no hotmail account. no blog. no everything. 100% free from the net. ehh, ngam ka tu..? sounds like im making ad for something from it..

And i am absolutely fucked up. uh, i lost my all my sijil antah kemana. and then, dock ipod pun ilang.. why is it bila ku beguna banar, ilang tia. like, vanish tarus. macam, i was iski sudah isi borang buruh and everything. tau tau, sijil nada. iskh.. im having another migrain just because of thinking pasal my missing stuffs....

please, bring my life back.. bring everything back..

migraine peut vous tuer..!!

2010-04-21T01:46:00.004+08:00

uh, i cant sleep. i had migrain yesterday.. My eyes and head hurt like hell. I felt a great pressure as if my brain and eyeballs are about to burst. Thank goodness i ate a painkiller. The strong one and im not kidding. I cant even hold a spoon after the effect takes place.. and i cant open my eyes. So i spent pretty much the whole day lying on my bed in a half awake half asleep condition..

edited photo

2010-04-18T23:49:00.004+08:00

ohh lame bunyinya.. but anyway, aku mau juaa pakai marker merah arah bibir.. :)

originally black and white photo.. so i didnt apply any makeup on my face. if i did, it would be uglier than this. so be thankful that you only get to see my face this ugly..

humph

2010-04-16T16:22:00.002+08:00

ohh, its so gloomy this evening since its raining. yet, its a perfect time to sleep.. hoho, mengantuk ku ulehnya. i wanted to sleep. but i gotta get ready for training later.. woah, malas datang ehh. ani baru MALAS namanya. inda mau grading and so on.. seriously, i almost fed up masa kana complain tu. cant you see that im sweating myself trying to be better?? and you stated that im NOT trying?? if i really am not trying, i wouldnt come every week. i wouldnt get frustrated for every false moves i made. do you really have to bring me down when you expect me to be better just like those so called A plus kids? you cant change me.. you cant.. you really cant.. lets just put a fullstop here, okay? its sickening enough to be around people like you. tuuuut tuuuut tuuuuuuttttxxggghhhzzz zZz zZz krooh krooh krooh...

The Type Of Friends I Would Never Betray

2010-04-16T01:05:00.004+08:00

Frankly speaking, I'm sincere when it comes to friendship. I'm not the friendly annoying person who labels everybody as my best buddies. No no, that is so not me. I may get along with one person, but we never know when a person would betray us.

Thank goodness my best buddies are consist of crack heads, no bimbo wannabe, no sluts and whores aaaand they are who they are. I know that each person has an alter ego. And I may not know what their alter ego look like. But then, I'm just glad we get along for almost 5 years. yakaa? But anyway, more than a year is fine, right? Better than backstabbers I've known almost for 15 years..

Guys, I hope that this thing we have wont be another not-so-important friendship since each and everyone of us are going on different roads as we are pursuing our own dreams..

NO TITLE..

2010-04-14T01:03:00.002+08:00

First,

Im having my training session tadi and it didnt turn out very well. Im offending by something that someone had said to me. Infront of my face in an open space where i bet every single person heard of it. uh, you're full of shit..! You made me look pathetic. And everybody seemed to give me a 'sorry' treatment..

Thanks baby for picking me up and being there when im down.. Eventhough I acted as if the training went really well..

And second,

I'm pretty excited about having card buruh.. hoo yeah.. inda ku tahan beparam dirumah saja ni.. i know awal awal ani saja ku iski and nanti im pretty sure that i would wanna have these lonely boring days.. anyway, I need to start to kumpul duit.. I so need a life..

Anyway, dudu. mau tidur dulu..

hoo yeah

2010-04-06T00:14:00.003+08:00

How sad can I be?

2010-04-04T05:00:00.002+08:00

Seeing other people punya love posts.. ohh rindu kuu. wait, kenapa ku beranti buat love posts?? ohh, awu, pasal atu, lupa ku.. pfft.

Baby, thanks for hangin out with me tadi. liat movie and dinner samasama. I heart you so much, sayang.. Too bad you didnt stay longer lapas antar balik tadii.. But I really had good times with you..

Its funny bila ingat cemana bulih I had a crush on you. weee, it was unexpected ohh? Like, banarbanar unexpected. Gosh.. But anyway, I love you wholeheartedly.. :)

BOWH, ADA ORANG JEALOUS NIIIIIIIII~ KAN?

aaaa chooo..!

2010-04-04T04:04:00.009+08:00

Watched Clash Of The Titans tadi..! siiuk.. But lately, im surrounded by Greek mythology.. I mean, God Of War.. Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief.. This one andd satu lagi inda ku ingat.. Ohh man..

By the way, ai en es o em en ai a...! seriously.. I've been awake for more than 24 hours. and i think kan sebulan kali sudah aku aher saja tiduuurr.. hoho. frustrating..

And and.. the population of people who hate me, betambah laaagi.. hahh..! anu, anak ani cakap belakang belakang.. He's a friend of friend of someone I've known for my whole life.. Amazingly, this kid described me in one word.. 'sekalur'..

Well I got something for ya dickface..! being sekalur isn't bad. But being a fucking judgmental is.. Kira pasal rambut ku 'perang' and kuku ku warna brown, sekalur laa tuu? aah, immature.. alum sunat kali niii????

Rasaku, kau yang pakai baju tabal time ke komplex atu yang sekalur. inda jua ada aircond kali ehh arah complex tu. *calm down moy* uh, banar banar waa. sasak ku orang palui macam kau. pindik akal. in your eyes, maybe i look pretty gauk. but you dont know me..

You think you're in a position to judge me, kiddo?! Read this carefully, I've met you and I've known you before kau kenal aku. And you dont even know my name.. duhh, how stupid can you be, arsehole?

I've seen you around, hangin out with your so-called samseng friend. tantang tantang orang. Kira aku takut laa tuu? okay, UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, im scared..! if thats what you want me to say.

Ehh, shit kau ani ehh. Inda perindungan mu mengajar kali suruh jaga mulut bisai bisai. ani, cam baie waaaa kau aa. *dont ask me ada ka nada perindungan ku megajar supaya jangan cussing.. actually ada, but then, i have my own limit waaa*

Ehh awu. I know the next part will sound um, sekalur.. but, ku dangar, family mu meliara jin?! HAHA..! I was like, 'ohh, pasal nya meliara jin atu tah ya berani judge orang. if orang marah, sihir saja. sanang, abis cerita' TAPI, inda mengasi tuu lai jin mu arah ku... I DARE YOU, SHITFACE..!

anak damit macam kau ani tah mudah gets on my nerves.. *in some cases, orang basar pun adaaaa*

aaaaaaaa, sabar moy.. fuuh.. take a deep breath............................. and sambung...!

Cemani lai, ngalih sudah ku waa melayan orang babal macam kau ani. inda abis abis kan sakit ati arah aku. Tapii, if inda puas ati, i really really recommend you to confront me. Be a REAL man and say it in front of my face. Ani belakang belakang.. tapi label diri sendiri as the coolest person arah smso.. Orang cool nada membali pop ice.. and nada pakai seluar tingkai time form 1. BOO, MALUUUU..!

AGAIN, BERAPA KALI LAGI KU KAN MEMBAGI TAU.. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, I WILL ALWAYS WIN..!

So, it would be much much much much much much much much much much better if you just leave me and my sekalurness alone, okay? need i say more?????????

Foto

2010-03-29T01:10:00.005+08:00

Some photos taken lapas swimming..

Happy 10 Monthsary. baby..

2010-03-29T00:58:00.003+08:00

I LOVE YOU.. :)

tweet tweet

2010-03-25T19:42:00.002+08:00

Ohh lala..

I enjoyed yesterday even though my feet were like hell..! Alice in wonderland, COOOOL movie. i wish the movie tu panjang lagi, since it was like, banyak lagi kan diexplore. Johnny Depp rocks..! And then, swimming arah centre point.. woo hoo..! siiiiukk. Lapastu beulah arah JP. Jp makin boring. Tiket makin mahal tapi inda worth apa yang ada sana. VAN kan ke go karts lagi tebiat like hell. So we ended up with main merry go round. haha, retarded ehh kemarin atu. Waste 2 rides. Kan bagi orang, si Qirah maluuuu. haha. And and, aku, qirah, faiz, mushi mus and nana ambil foto arah arcade. Sakai ku since aku baru kali kedua masuk sana. And and aku sama Qirah makan taluuur herba. Yumm yumm. Lapastu BUTUL QIRAH CACAT.. HAHA. ohh, the whole day aku sama nana ketawa pasal atu. you're a real joker qir ehh. :)

Thanks guys pasal bawa aku chill kemarin..

Apis, if kau masukkan arah fb, gambar tani kemarin, tag arah kaka saya yerrr? thanks.. :)

honk honk.

2010-03-22T22:38:00.005+08:00

Last saturday..

Dinner at charcoal & grill with my baby and my cousins. Jerudong Park, watched circus. It was kinda okay. But inda worth the ticket yang dibali. boo hoo. And then planning to watch movie. But i was tired so my baby and I headed home.

Anyway, edited a photo taken by my lil sis. For kismis album.. :)

When Emotional isn't Emotional enough

2010-03-16T01:26:00.002+08:00

I've been listening to paramore-the only exception for billions of time today. The song stuck on my head. I kept humming the song but fail to sing it while playing guitar.

Anyway, the song reminds me of something. I keep remembering about how I met my boyfriend. Not that it's connected to the song.

It triggers me. Makes me feel like crying.

The moment I decided to give up trying to have you at the first place..

You went back, showing me that I still have a chance.

I went through a lot just because of you.

But then, they're moments I won't regret.

Goodnight baby, I Love you..

For some reason

2010-03-14T23:48:00.002+08:00

I just want to make myself extremely tired.

I feel lonely when you aren't here.

Your scent make me realize how much I want you to always be near me.

Paramore-the only exception stucks on my mind.

We're totally opposite, but we're made for each other.

I'm suffering of insomnia.

I feel safe with you.

You're the only thing that makes me forget things I hate.

I cry when I can't sleep.

I sneeze when I look at the sun.

I love you more and more as time passes by.

my day

2010-03-14T21:47:00.002+08:00

Ho yeah..!

Went jogging and hiking at Sungai Basong last friday with mom and my lil sister. It was kinda fun since I wasn't alone. But, too bad we didn't go that far. Mom was tired and recently, my eyes hurt and I often get headache. After that, breakfast at Gerai Serambangun.

Went home, napping for about half an hour and then went to Lumut, met cousin. Went home, aaaand, to Tutong Sport Complex. Training was tiring. My left arm and leg isn't functioning very well. So I got too many complain from senpai. hoho.

After a long period of stressful training, my baby picked me up. Thanks baby.. :)

He went home around 11 plus. Text messaging with him and fell asleep.